Butterfly Dreaming

the way the world goes

2007-05-14T21:35:00.000+08:00

2 months lapse since my last post, its not for lack of things to write that I havent blogged all this while. I have written so many posts up in my head while standing in the train, waiting to board a bus etc but have not got around to writing it. If you guessed as much, this post will be one of my usual rants again....

My voracious reading habit has given me very good language skills and general knowledge on a wide range of topics. A lot of times I find myself in conversations that are supposedly way beyond my education level, and yes, I manage to carry the conversation quite well.
I enjoy intellectually stimulating questions and I do my fair share of asking them as well.

But why do people take me for an idiot with the IQ of a millipede? The world's so funny...they can accept criminals back into society with wide open arms; yet they are prejudiced against people who arent highly paper qualified. Do the reasons behind the inability count at all?

Sad.

Monday Colors

2007-03-12T09:19:00.000+08:00

Most people have Monday blues; I on the other hand turn all sorts of colors way before Monday comes. It starts on saturday afternoons when I start turning as purple as a brinjal, angry that Saturday has flown by so quickly. On Sunday mornings, I am usually a bit orange as my anger would have subdued a little and usually wanes off whilst I vegetate in front of the telly watching the morning cartoons and have my much needed morning cuppa.

My grey hours start after lunch. I go about moping around the house feeling rather dull and dreary and the pall of my face will slightly resemble a dusty grey teapot. Sunday evenings bring about an intense fervour of activity to salvage the rest of the weekend, at this time I am all red and in a state of constant motion. My bedtime gets extended till very late at night as I try to stretch the hours till the work week starts.

Its only on Monday that I finally turn blue.

A row of ducks

2007-03-02T09:22:00.000+08:00

Public transportation is really frustrating these days. I spend around 15-20 minutes waiting for the feeder service in the mornings, waiting time used to be about 5-10 minutes before. And a huge

And when the bus decides to come, Lo Behold! they arrive like ducks in a row, three at a time. Buses arent meant to act like ducks...hmm...

People

2007-02-13T23:59:00.000+08:00

I simply cannot fathom what goes on in someone's mind sometimes. Do they really think about repercussions before they speak?
The world is getting crazier by the moment, it just isn't sane anymore.

But do I let the crazy ones get to me, or do I strive on and plod my way through the relentless obstructions till I reach my destiny?

I need to scream now.

The Impish Patient

2007-01-21T22:17:00.000+08:00

My father underwent cataract surgery on his left eye two days ago. If there is one thing that is true, he is being a mighty big pain in the butt for everyone.

He keeps on doing all that he is not supposed to do. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly many times on and off, claiming that the eye itches. Football keeps him glued to the telly screen, when he is not supposed to be even watching the tv. That head of his keeps moving almost 360 degrees all the time.

I have two solutions to stop him from doing all of this. First, take a long pole and hammer it onyo his back, neck and head, so that he cant move his upper torso. Second, is to take a big log and to hit him over the head with so that we get to hear less whining and it will also get him to remain still.

...

2007-01-20T22:44:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder how some people walk through their lives treating everyone except themselves as if we mere plebians were born just to be of service to these 'beings'. They strut around, puffing their chests out, and expect their legion of plebians to do their bidding. And nope, not a thank you or a please interjected into their commands.

These people have no sense of humility and consider themselves placed just a wee notch below God, or perhaps even at par with God.

Respect for fellow mankind is the most simplest act. Alas, it is also a two-way process. It can only be earned through humbleness and care taken in the words we speak.

Change?

2007-01-12T12:59:00.000+08:00

Someone said to me that I have changed recently....and for the worse. Wake up call for me I guess. I wasnt even aware that I am behaving weird these days. But one thing I know for sure is that from now on, I am going to make a concious effort to think before I speak or do things and to make sure it doesnt affect the people around me. If anyone of you has been offended by me in someway, knowingly or otherwise, I sincerely apologise.

Super Healthy

2007-01-08T13:42:00.000+08:00

I just had the most healthiest of lunches today. Had a bowl of Chicken Stew which had mushrooms, carrots, celery, some unidentified vegetables and chicken (DUH! what did you expect in chicken stew?). This came with a small bread roll. To finish off I had a small bowl of cut pineapples (really sweet ones), strawberries and kiwi fruit.

Surprisingly I feel full and the fruit actually managed to satisfy my sweet tooth. Now if only I can keep this up at least every other day....that would be a start to getting more healthy.

I think its time to start taking some care with what I put in my mouth. All sorts of illnesses are popping up these days and I dont want to become part of the statistics any time soon.

Have to get back to work now. Ciao!

I miss holding hands

2006-12-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

I feel his strong male fingers inter-twining between my own....his fingers move down, meeting the ring I wear on my right hand...he stops subtly....and gently caresses my ring like a seductive lover with the tip of his finger... his exploration of my hands travel further as his fingers encounter my palms..which are undoubtedly burning hot under his ministrations.....his thumbs slowly outline the lines of my palm, tracing the very fate lines that brought us together at this moment...his hand now moves down and matches my finger tips, his palm now encircling mine...how small my own hands feel within the cushion of his....his hands begin a warm languorous embrace with mine...spooning so closely with my fingers... slowly evoking and stirring desires in me that I have not known existed before...

No I am not trying to write por*n. Just feeling very lonesome and I miss the simple yet complex action of holding hands.... Sighs... Where for art thou romeo?

Moments

2006-12-14T01:16:00.000+08:00

My days are filled with the chitter chatter of wonderful people who jest and simply make me laugh out loud with nary a care in the world. Their quick witted remarks fire my equally clever witted answers. I find myself being constantly around people, and I enjoy it.

Yet, there are times where I find myself alone, amidst all that chitter chatter. Deep inside, a dull ache surfaces and tugs at my heartstrings. Despite the beautiful companions I have found, there is a longing for someone who will delve deeper inside me, someone special to share my funny anecdotes with. Sometimes I find myself asking God when I will meet my mate. She doesnt really give me a reply, but then again, everything is done at Her own time, a time which She knows is best for me.

I still cant help feeling sad at times though. I turn into myself and shut myself inside my cocoon and ponder on how nice it would be to find that person. Its painfully sad when I go out shopping alone, and I realise that I am the only single person wandering around. Sighs.... The show must go on eh?

100th POST

2006-11-20T11:35:00.000+08:00

YAY! I have finally reached my 100th post. It sure took a long time to reach here with my very laggy postings and all. But hey! Its all good.

Ok I know I promised to write about my new job. well, I am into 2nd week at this new place. What can I say, I'm Loving It. The colleagues and superiors are friendly and approachable. The organisation had a very cute way of extending their welcome to the staff. On the first day of work, they give out 'welcome boxes' which contain a list of important phone numbers, stationery, email information, a bookmark from the human resource that has my name and start date on it, a bottle of essence of chicken (to counter the lethargy of the first day at work i suppose) and a welcome letter. In whole its a very warm and fuzzy feeling.

Yes there are a lot of hurdles for me to overcome since I have never had the experience of working in such a huge organisation before. But it isnt as bad as I had expected. I did not sleep a wink the night before I started work, and I had a lot of butterflies in my tummy due to apprehension.

I dont really want to give the exact workplace details though...privacy issues and all you see. However, I can reveal that the post is that of a Junior Officer dealing with the youth sector of the organisation. Meetings can be literally a major pain in the butt though :P Alright, adios amigos. Thanks for all your good wishes. I shall get back to work now.

Have a great week!

Encounters of the Weird Kind

2006-11-15T23:24:00.000+08:00

This was so damn embarassing. I actually met a quite prominent person in the lift at work today and I chatted her with her like she was a fellow employee. Didnt realise that she was a prominent person. Haiyo! Embarassing!

If you are wondering, yes, I have a new job now. More about it over the weekend. I practically feel like a zombie.

Shadows

2006-11-04T11:01:00.000+08:00

Why do people assume things without knowing the reality? Why do they prefer not to trust my words, and instead they go about looking at me with a suspicious eye?

I dont have a boyfriend. Yet, each time I go out with my friends, my mother asks me which guy I went out with. I am 25 years old for God's sake. I dont pub/club and I come home by 10pm at night. Why is it so hard for them to just trust my words for once?

When I was young, I wasnt allowed to bring friends home and I wasnt allowed to go to their homes either; not even for a buddy's birthday party. I couldn't make or receive phone calls to my friends unless it was school related. I never went for a movie with any friends till I was 17 (after secondary school) and that too was done in secret for fear of getting scoldings from the parents. There were days when a few classmates used to go out to Mcdonald's after school to get sundaes, I was the one who had to go home the moment the school bell rang. It might be because of this that I do not have as many friends as I ought to have.

The number of times I went for a movie with the parents, I can count in one hand. 3 times exactly; Ferngully, Flintstones and some movie about a witch with a cauldron. We (my sis and I) lived the life of a recluse. Bedtime was strictly at 9pm sharp, no ifs and buts. When we got home from school, we had to automatically shower and rest a while before we had to do our homework and watch a little tv before dinner. After dinner, we could read or play computer games before we had to hit the bed. We weren't even allowed to run down to the store for sweets or ice-cream.

Yes, I didn't have any wants when I was young, in terms of material needs. But there was never a more pathetic existence. Even now, at this age, my every move is controlled by the parents. If I am on the telephone with a friend, everyone immediately assumes that I am whispering sweet-nothings to a boy friend. When I inform them that I am going out, they look at me suspiciously and ask me which guy I am roaming with.

Give me a break please! You should be happy that I am not getting high on drugs or sleeping around with a few guys. I am not doing anything illegal either. All I do is meet up with friends for a cup of coffee and a chat. Why is that so tough to digest?

I feel like screaming. Do they want me to go pick up some bum from the streets just to prove them right?

Pictures! Pictures!

2006-10-27T11:26:00.000+08:00

PICTURES!!!!

This is my favourite part of the house...

Ganesha relaxing on Diwali Day! hehehehe

My attempt at macro shots

OKAY! more pics later...

Diwali! (late post)

2006-10-26T14:34:00.000+08:00

Happy Diwali!!! Ooops my post is a few days too late due to all that Diwali cleaning and cooking and washing. My bones are still complaining after all that non-stop work. I have some pictures to share, but I have to run to the vet with the puppy now. Will be back!

Wrong Number

2006-10-09T18:23:00.000+08:00

The home phone rang a while ago and I picked up...

Me: Hello
Unknown Bird-brained lady (UBL): Hallo
Me: Yes?
UBL: Hallo...er...What place is this?
Me: HUH?
UBL: I want to know what place is this.
Me: HUH? You called me and you are asking me what place this is?
UBL: Ya, I want to know what place is this.
Me: How did you get this number and who are you?
UBL: Er...Sorry I think I got the wrong number.

Weirdo-Mundo. Very weird people out there. But hahaha I have her telephone number on my caller ID. Shall I call her back and ask her 'What place is this?'.

Idiotic people

2006-10-03T14:46:00.000+08:00

The previous post, in case any of you were wondering, is about my sister's husband. I have never come across such a manipulative and calculating person in my life. And to set the record straight, I have never been this furious in my life.
Just today, he brought his friend over for a meal without asking anyone if it was ok to do so. Yesterday was packed lunch for the friend, and today its bringing the friend home for a meal. My mom had her lunch at 3pm yesterday because she prepared the food and served my sister's husband and packed the food for his friend and then had lunch. Just because the friend is his business partner, none of us are obliged to entertain him or to do things for him. I am not being petty about food, but this shouldnt become a convenient habit.

And yes, I am literally seeing red because this is the friend with whom he set up the company with. There were many crappy excuses on why they couldnt employ me there, while the actual reason was because they simply did not think I was worth or smart enough to be employed in their high-tech, high-flying office. In what way am I less able or in what way did I fault him to give me that kind of shit.

So am I wrong in picking fights and feeling upset all the time? Why do I have to be nice and tolerate someone who does not bother about me at all? It is not something that is impossible for him to have done, knowing my situation. The hurt simply boils inside me and keeps burning me with anger. Each time I see his face, I just get so irritated at even the smallest things he does or says. He can actually comment that I am antisocial, but he doesnt know that I am just keeping my mouth shut because I do not want to scream at him. But sadly, I am really disgusted at people's attitudes.

There is really no meaning in relatives etc. It is all a lie. Once their work is done, you are cast off like a pair of worn boots. Every person has to stand up for his or her own and look after their affairs first. Because at the end of the day, its those closest to you who like to mock you when you are at your lowest.

leech

2006-10-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

There are some people who are born in this world just to be of inconvenience to others. They sweet talk and bribe with small and OH so very sweet gestures, but at the back, their minds work overtime to see how and where they can take advantage in double. When one is so educated and supposedly in a higher level than all the rest of us lowly plebians, isnt it common sense that a person with health problems needs rest? Is it nice to take advantage and ride on a person's welcome and pretend like its a right owed to him? And yet, the so-called smartie cannot offer help to one who is in dire need when he can easily do so if he really is concerned as he claims.

You are so fake and yet you walk around all high and mighty. No one owes you anything. What have you done in return for all that they have done for you?

You earn much much more than 75% of the country, cant you afford to foot your own bills for your own expenditures and for your own life? When someone gives it to you, and you know that the person is not well to do and old, cant you open your mouth and say NO? And yet you have abused and hurt the person numerous times over petty things and called names that hurt. Doesnt it ever gnaw on your conscience? That person does so many things for your wellbeing and is so concerned about you and wishes to see you succeed, but have you ever inquired about that person's health? It is always about you you and you.
Even if you cant be of help, you shouldnt be a pain. But sadly you have not even an ounce of gratitude. You act nice now but when your vicious plans dont work, you will start hurling rocks.
A person who lives of others, is in essence no better than a blood sucking leech.

Where Do I Run?

2006-09-30T16:49:00.000+08:00

Where do I run to? Nothing is working out. No one seems to give a damn, but they wont leave me alone either. All I hear is that I am never good enough.

I am never smart enough to get a proper job; Never pretty enough to get a boyfriend; Never enthusiastic enough about life; Never dressed well enough to not look like a fat slob all the time; Never good enough for anything else than to sit in front of the computer; Never motivated enough to do more than what is asked of me; Never friendly enough to make friends and acquaintances; Never good enough to do anything worth!

Where do I run to get away from myself?
HOW DO I GET AWAY FROM MY FUCKING USELESS LIFE?

Why

2006-09-22T22:27:00.000+08:00

Why

At this moment I seem to have a lot of 'WHYS' in my life. It has begun to eat me up from the inside and now there is a gnawing uncertainty playing constantly at the back of my mind.

Whatever activity I happen to be doing, I cant seem to be able to stop this background worrying. If only there was a switch to turn it off and on. Sighs...

Well, I have not been blogging due to the fact that has become stagnated and there is nothing worth writing about. I could go on about dull and mundane things like how the IMF must have cost a bomb because I am seeing flowers all over Suntec and Orchard or I could crib on how hot the weather has become that I might melt into a puddle of human on the sidewalk someday soon.... BUT I am not going to blog about all that.

From my reading of other blogs, I at least see other bloggers' lives' moving forward, or at the very least moving backwards. Mine seems to have gotten stuck with superglue.

OK...Sorry about this absolutely nonsense entry. I am officially insane and in the drain.

If reading my entry causes your grey matter to erode and leak from your orifices, please do not blame me. GAH.

Now, ask yourself, WHY you read my blog today.....

Blogging Tornado! Phew...

2006-09-04T15:47:00.000+08:00

Heh...My third post for the day. I dont think I have ever done this many posts in one day.

Anyways this is a real quick post, more of an update actually. My mom went for her review at the doctor's last friday and the doctor has given her the all clear. It doesnt mean that she is perfectly fine though, she will require a lifetime of monitoring, tests and medication. The all clear is just for the tests she underwent a week ago. Still, it is a slight relieve to know that the tests turned out ok.

Was praying hard that it wouldnt be something bad. And thank you for your prayers too Mama Bok.

New House

2006-09-04T15:36:00.000+08:00

Here are a few pictures taken during our housewarming (9 July 2006). Click on any pic during the slideshow to view a bigger picture. Will post more house pics once we have everything arranged.

I dont want to give anyone a shock when they see how messy and unorganised the house is at the moment!

Sisters

2006-09-04T13:12:00.000+08:00

TO ALL MY SISTERS

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,

drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.

As they talked about life, about marriage,

about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood,

the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully

and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised,

swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass.

"They'll be more important as you get older.

No matter how much you love your husband,

no matter how much you love the children you may have,

you are still going to need Sisters.

Remember to go places with them now and then;

do things with them.

"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...

your girlfriends, your daughters

and all your other women relatives too.

"You'll need other women - Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought.

'Haven't I just gotten married?

Haven't I just joined the couple-world?

I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake!

A grown-up! Surely my husband and the family we may start

will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother.

She kept contact with her Sisters

and made more women friends each year.

As the years tumbled by, one after another,

she gradually came to understand

that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.

As time and nature work their changes

and their mysteries upon a woman,

Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world,

here is what I've learned: THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes. Life happens.

Distance separates. Children grow up.

Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break.

Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.

BUT......... Sisters are there,

no matter how much time

and how many miles are between you.

A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley

and you have to walk it by yourself,

the women in your life will be on the valley's rim,

cheering you on, praying for you,

pulling for you, intervening on your behalf,

and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules

and walk beside you.

Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,

daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law,

Mothers, Grandmothers, Auntie's, nieces, cousins,

and extended family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women,

and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood;

we had no idea of the incredible joys

or sorrows that lay ahead.

Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful.

I just did.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Got this in my email today. Somehow it has summed up a lot of what I feel. I am fortunate to have a lot of wonderful 'Sisters' in my life. Not forgetting the few precious ones whom I have not seen in person, and yet, I feel so comfortable with them as if I have known them for years. Yes, this includes you Mama Bok, Maygs, Aunty Padmasani (I hope I have not left someone out!) and anyone else who reads my blog and has given me encouragement when I needed it the most.

No one is obliged to sit and read someone's blog, let alone feel for them or have to write them a few words to let them know that they are not alone.

The internet is a really strange place. There are so many bad things about it that its scary. But like a small ray of sunshine, these are the good things that makes the internet a better place. For this, I am thankful!

Mom

2006-08-21T20:31:00.000+08:00

I just saw a movie called 'Dawn Anna'. It entails the struggle of a single mother who contracts a rare form of cancer and her big struggle towards her road to recovery from the disease. Thats basically the gist of the story. Go watch it if you can.

Anyways, this entry isnt about the movie, it is about my mother. My mom has been struggling with a combination of Gastrinoma and Carcinoma - 2 rare cancer forms for the past 3 years. From diagnosis till today, her life has been filled with numerous surgeries, procedures, scans, tests, pain, doctor appointments, hospital stays and medications by the bus load. Parts of her intestines, stomach, gall bladder, spleen etc have been removed to try and halt the progress of the cancer. To further increase all her suffering, she has been recently diagnosed as having Parkinson's disease due to trauma from major surgery.

There have been days, usually right after a major surgery, where I have been afraid to go to sleep or to wake up in the morning because I was afraid that something drastic might have happened to my mom while I was asleep. I have sat outside the operation theatres in a morbid state of fear for more times than I would like to remember. My mother has spent a month in a row, violently throwing up bitter green bile after a surgery, these were the times when she could hardly lift herself off the bed without help from someone. At one point in time, she was refusing food because she just didnt want to throw up. Once, I was helping her up from the sofa and it was a bit difficult because the sofa seat was sunken in, my mom got so frustrated with herself that she just started crying in my arms because she felt so helpless.

You know what the most miserable part for me is? Although I can see her suffer and see her in pain, there is nothing I can do to help her at all. It hurts so much deep inside that when all of it overwhelms me, I cry myself to sleep at night. When I see her hand shaking uncontrollably, it feels as if someone is throwing arrows right at my heart. She has always been a very independent woman and she is the one who kept her family running before getting married to my father. Why such blows for her?

Whenever I pray at home or at the temple, i automatically start getting choked up with tears and I end up sobbing my eyes out. Why must all this happen to my mom? And why doesnt God even give me the power to give her everything her heart desires and keep her happy? I wish I had the money to take her to a few nice places for holidays. I wish I had a car to drive her around as she pleases, to go shopping or to meet her friends for a chat and coffee. I wish I could buy her a big house with a big garden. I wish I can employ maids so that my mom doesnt have to lift a finger to do housework. I wish I could make her proud by getting a degree. I wish I could just make all her worries go away.

I just want to make her happy, is that too much to ask? But life is never very fair isnt it.
Its very painful for me to see all that she is undergoing and to give her the strength when I am being torn apart inside. This is living hell, there can be no pain bigger than the torture I am going through right now. I just love my mom so much, that if it was possible, I would gladly suffer in place of her with a smile on my face.

pic post

2006-08-17T15:46:00.000+08:00

Where are the pics?....
Hmmm....
Blogger isnt letting me upload any....
To be continued...

Long ago...

2006-08-17T15:34:00.000+08:00

How long has it been since I last blogged? Hmmm...no idea. Anyways my posts were bordering on neurotic derangement and I am glad I stopped before I started ranting like a lunatic.

Life goes on no matter what happens. People go away and some people get together. Thats life I guess and disappointment goes hand in hand with this. Enough about it, I shall explain in detail some other time.

I am looking for a challenging job. But its a bit slow in happening although I am confident that I will land the job I desire and like. Its torture to go to work everyday when you dont like the job you do. For me, I simply abhor sitting at a desk and banging away on the computer. I dont get to interact with people much, (small company) and that is making me very miserable. I want to feel that I am doing my part in making someone's life better. Not just to help the company make money and I dont even get appreciated for the donkey hours I put in.

Life goes on...

Ingrates

2006-04-05T17:07:00.000+08:00

Everything and anything that can go wrong has gone wrong just within the past 5 days. Its still going wrong.

I have had it up to my neck with the way the bosses are treating me. I am not a bloody slave. Today's episode really leaves me fuming. There were some important calls I had to take due to some house issues. Just twice I had to go out of the office to discuss something important. And the moment I came in I got a huge telling off from the boss that if I was going to go out to answer personal calls and not be able to look after the office phone, then I can take my phone and leave. I was really stunned with what he said and if I hadnt managed to take control of my emotions, I would have started crying.

Although they leave me alone in the office most times, I have not abused my privileges and made/received unnecessary calls during work hours. even when they are around and a call comes in on my mobile, I cut the line and call the person back during lunch.

Dont they have the decency and the brains to judge. Or the least they can do is to have asked me why I needed to take the calls. Instead,shouting at me like an uncouth barbarian is crazy. They are well educated and so much older than me, dont they know how to handle such things.

I am mighty pissed off with their attitude towards me. I am not serving a prison sentence during office hours whereby I cannot make/ take calls on my mobile. Am not an idiot like them to not know how to behave.

This whole month I have been so stressed and overworked. Even did manual labour for them and stayed back so many hours to help the office shifting. This is the kind of gratitude I get. I neglected my own house shifting even and these basket cases take me for a jolly idiot.

Just because the company isnt doing too good, it doesnt mean that I am their punching bag to vent their frustrations on. I might just be an employee, but I have feelings too. I am just so sick of this work and this workplace. Ingrates, all of them.

In the end, Its all been naught

2006-03-15T15:05:00.000+08:00

It must have been a horrendous crime or act of treason akin to the atomic bomb or the 911 tragedy

When one bad deed or ill word outweighs a million other good ones.

So very little in value were the camaraderie, well intentions, kind assurances, sincere concerns, shared experiences and happy moments.

In the end, It's all been naught.

*P.S. To anyone who reads my blog. I am on hiatus till further notice. Leave me a message or send me an email if you need to contact me.

Withdrawals

2006-02-23T13:15:00.000+08:00

AAaaahh... I am having withdrawal symptoms because I stopped taking the c0deine cough syrup which the doctor prescribed. Its horrible..... I keep breaking out in sweats on and off. The stomach cramps are the worst. Its like sitting on a rollercoaster that is perpetually moving upside down. Migraine attacks, lack of appetite, feeling cold all of a sudden and nausea.... Sighs...all this just because I took the medicine for a mere 6 days. And now, I am like a junkie on cold turkey. I pity myself. I hope the symptoms go away soon. I am tired of being sick.

Dreams of the Ssslippery kind

2006-02-21T09:45:00.000+08:00

I always dream of snakes....At first it used to creep me out. And I used to awaken from my dream and look down on the floor to see if a snake was really there.

Sometimes a huge snake would be chasing me through the roads and when its almost about to get me, I would fly off and soar through the air. Other times, the snake would strike me and I will wake up gasping for air. A couple of times, I have dreamt that there was a snake in the house and I would be sitting on top of a cupboard in fright because of it.

My most recent dream was that I found a HUGE yellowish white snake (not a cobra, looked more like a Boa Constrictor/Python) in my parents room. It was huge and coiled up. I cant remember what I did after seeing it, but I remember the snake itself very vividly. The next part is what scared me, I went to the room to tell everyone to go away as there was a snake in the house and I discovered that the puppy had been bitten. And I managed to save the puppy somehow! How weird is that?

People say that dreams are manifestations of our innermost thoughts and intentions. I do not know how true it is. But I have had a lot of instances of de'ja vu whereby I find myself in situations that I have seen in my dreams before. weird.....

Indian-Style Carrot Pudding ;)

2006-02-19T18:37:00.000+08:00

What a better way to continue on my theme of food for the day than to cook up some yummilicious Carrot Pudding (better known as Carrot Halwa).

I decided to make a low-fat and low-sugar version of Carrot Halwa....eaten warm, its so decadent and yet healthy! Yums!

Without further ado, I present Rathi's Carrot Halwa...... *drool people*

Puppy Chow

2006-02-19T13:23:00.000+08:00

I think I can start a business is gourmet doggy meals because I seem to be cooking a wide variety of meals for the puppy ( who is not technically a puppy now @ 14 months :P). And now that puppy has had a taste of the wide variety of foods available, puppy is impartial to home cooked food. Store bought pet foods get the snub! hehehehe..... its so funny.

So far, I have cooked

1) Spiral Organic Pasta with ground chicken/lamb in a tomato and carrot based sauce.
2) Lamb and Barley with green peas
3) Oats and chicken pieces with brocolli
4) Rice cooked in chicken broth with a tomato based sauce with chicken pieces
5) Chicken/Lamb and carrots with rosemary and wholemeal bread
6) Fish with potato and garlic mash with bread/rice
Tonight I am going to try a pseudo burger with ground lamb and bread....hehehe

The list is a bit too long here....but if anyone needs any recipes, just give me a holler via email.

I think homecooking for pets is rewarding when you see your little four-legged friend slurping up his food with his tail wagging. Pet foods are not exactly made with the freshest ingredients or the best quality meats and they contain a high sodium content. Even top brand pet foods have a lot of additives and are made from animal by products i.e. animal bones, beaks, feathers etc; when its all ground up, you wont know the difference!

It might be a bit difficult to fulfill a doggy's nutritional needs so its best to always supplement with a vitamin everyday(Ask your vet for advice on vitamin supplements). Also, if your dog has sensitive skin, stay away from chicken.

I do give the puppy can foods on occasions, but I stick with high-end organic brands.

cough

2006-02-13T22:14:00.000+08:00

Remember that cough I had 2 weeks ago, well its still here. I have been to the doctor 3 times and been given an exhorbitantly priced antibiotic ($2.30 a tablet. I had to take 5 tablets a day for 6 days. You do the math!)
And yet I only have a brief respite from the non-stop cough which makes me end up breathless. I cant even walk from my home to the bus stop without feeling out of breath. Lungs are infected it seems....
I went to the doctor again tonight. He has recommended an x-ray to see whats going on.

Here comes the good part.....I get a day off!!! But I will probably spend most of the day at the clinics so ..... no point la!

Sighz....

size

2006-02-12T10:47:00.001+08:00

I am fat so I cannot eat fried stuffs it seems. Sudden revelation from the judicial members in the family a.k.a. all of them except me.

Oh, you shouldnt eat fried foods, you are fat! thats what they said to me this morning. And the best part is, the loudspeaker(my mother's idiotic sister) said we are all finding a groom for you, you must lose weight. So what? Did I tell them to look for a groom for me? I am definitely not interested in being tied down to a chauvinistic typical indian guy who will monitor my every movement. Someone who will say I cannot wear shorts at home, who will say I cannot go out and come home late, an idiot who will say that I have to cook and slog for him like a maid and yet be accomodating to his fancies when he feels like it.

Do I go around telling the loudspeaker that she looks like a bloody wayang character with so much powder on her face? No I dont. Do I tell her that she speaks so loud on the phone that the whole block would be able to hear her conversation? There is a lot more than this, but I dont say a thing to her. And yet, she just shoots her mouth off at me.

Even my parents were nagging me this morning that I am fat. I have tried so many methods of dieting and nothing works. So what if I am fat? I am good in so many other ways.

I am fat. So BITE ME!

Shut up

2006-02-02T11:24:00.000+08:00

I am going to shut up from now on. Everything I do or say, simply backfires and gives me a slap right back on my face.

I am just a sorry excuse for a human being.

I may or may not update my blog. I dont know. But all I know now is that I get into trouble for everything I do. Bye.

Letting go

2006-01-30T15:56:00.000+08:00

Life is merely an Illusion.
Nothing we have in this world is brought by us,
Nor are we going to take anything with us when we leave this world.

Relationships come in between, but it is not permanant.
Yet why does it hurt so much when someone goes away?
Why the craving to hold something that is like air and cannot be controlled?

Can I let go? The teardrops I shed at night while sleep deludes me, the memories some place holds of the fun times we had, when I see a cuddly bear in the store that I know the other person will like, when my heart tugs at me upon hearing a song that the cherished one likes...thats when my resolve falters.

Time does not lessen hurt. It becomes a constant painful reminder of that missing piece of puzzle in one's life. Of how things would have been IF they were with me. But it is not to be....and yet, I cannot let go.

Warrior of Light

2006-01-26T11:04:00.000+08:00

every warrior of light has felt afraid of going into battle.
every warrior of light has trodden a path that was not his.
every warrior of light has suffered for the most trivial of reasons.
every warrior of light has, at least one, believed that he was not a warrior of light.
every warrior of light has said 'yes' when he wanted to say 'no'.
every warrior of light has hurt someone he loved.
that is why he is a warrior of light,
because he has been through all this and yet has never lost hope of being better than he is.

-Paulo Coelho

*being inspired by 'Music'. Thanks so much gal. I am so in love with his works now.

Working on Sick Leave

2006-01-26T10:44:00.000+08:00

Remember that cough I told you about, tyes, well, it ended up with me having 2 days of MC for it. Diagnosis: Respiratory Tract Infection, its just a fancy name for a nasty cough that sounds like the piling work they do at construction sites.
The doctor plyed me with 2 kinds of antibiotics, cough mixture and insisted i go home and sleep it off.
I took all of the medicines and came right back to work. Thats how it is. 'They' dont get happy even when I am genuinely sick and cant come to work. It is not like I adore falling sick that I go get myself sick on purpose.
My immunity is down I suppose from all the stress and lack of sleep. Getting wet in the crazy rain is not helping much either.

Anyways, I hope the cough goes away soon because when you start coughing on the trains/buses etc, people start looking at you like you have some funky disease. And also, I want to enjoy the holidays without having to be sick.

Quick post

2006-01-25T12:33:00.000+08:00

*waves* hallO!!! Sorry for the long silence. I didnt die or something, but I seriously lack inspiration to write. But, here is a quickie post for me to pen a few things....

- WE BOUGHT A FLAT!!! All along, we have been living in tiny 4-room flats, but recently decided to buy a 5-room flat! And the previous owners have done it up very nicely with a lot of dark wood fittings. I am soo excited that I can hardly keep myself from talking about it to everyone and anyone who would listen. We have to start packing this house up and that is something I am dreading....BUT, I am still very much excited about the prospect of a bigger flat...
Pictures will follow soon...I promise.

- I am on my third cup of iced coffee for the day and yet my eyes can hardly open. I just cannot wait for the long holiday weekend. Need sleep desperately.

- I started job hunting again. Its a tedious long process with a lot of downhills. But, this job I have now is not very stable right now...SighZ....

- Did i mention I was extremely sleepy? I nearly fell asleep at the meeting

- I have a bad chesty cough now and I am keeping my fingers crossed that it doesnt blow up into a full fledged cold.

Thats about it....

Brands

2006-01-21T09:25:00.000+08:00

Sony took over Konica Minolta...P & G took over Gillette......see the pattern here?

One day when we wake up, the whole world is going to be made up of just one brand name.

"BRAND" takes over EARTh!!! Whahahaha *insert evIL laughter here*

School

2006-01-18T14:52:00.000+08:00

I was scrolling through a few private schools on the web because I am tired of sitting on my butt and waiting for the right opportunity for me to continue my studies.

The one thing that I am a bit apprehensive about is that it costs an awful lot of money. Something which is over my limits. So now I really dont know. I dont want to commit myself to a course and then drop out of it halfway due to lack of funds.

This is just mighty frustrating. I want to study!

Narnia in review

2006-01-16T14:34:00.000+08:00

Anyone watched Narnia yet? (I wont mention names but one goondu who was supposed to see this movie with me, saw it with someone else instead! "GOONDU you know who you are! GRRR")

I read this book when I was very young, I think around 7 yrs of age. (Yes, I do read a lot). The movie actually refreshed my memories of me huddling under the blankets with a torchlight, reading this book and trying to be as quiet as possible so that I do not wake everyone in the house. My parents had a strict bed time policy you see.

This movie far surpassed my expectations. The picturisation was wonderful. The only flak I found was that the lion, Aslan could have been portrayed with a more regal look. He just looked like a sad goat in a lion's disguise. Other than that, it was a very captivating and enchanting journey into the wardrobe.

Go watch!!! I cant wait for the rest of the Narnia movies.

Want to be Free

2006-01-15T21:51:00.000+08:00

A lot of things are happening with my life. I just feel like packing my essentials and setting off on a backpacking trip. At each country I stop, I will work for money for my board and travel money and then move on. Along the way, there will be some charity work that I do.

Somehow, this idea greatly appeals to me. I do not like being tied down here and have no hold on my life. I need a sense of purpose desperately. Bored of life, work, people... My craving for change is growing stronger each day.

I guess I am just too disappointed with myself and a lot of things that makes me simply want to run away. The more I deny my urge to spread my wings a fly, the more frustrated I get. These days, I simply feel nothing. I am nothing.

LET'S pRAY

2006-01-03T10:05:00.000+08:00

There is a worrying trend of converts being more fanatical than others. I just do not understand this whole issue. The most irritating thing is when people who convert, start condemning their renounced religion and start criticising family practices etc.

No one knows or has ever seen God. All the religions that we have today ultimately point to a single higher power who dictates our lives.It is just that the paths we choose to reach that higher power are different.

God and religion is necessary to enrich a person's live. But when your whole live is just revolving around your religion, so much so that you hurt others with your words and actions, then you are not fit to call yourself a devotee. If you sit and spend your day criticising other religions, then you are not spending that time in learning what your chosen religion has to offer.

At uncertain times like now with all the terrorism, the most important thing is unity among everyone. When religion comes in to divide people, that is when we start falling and failing.

Let's pray.

Confused Clock

2006-01-03T09:31:00.000+08:00

I have a confession to make here. Now dont laugh at me, you all hear?

Ok here goes, I cannot tell the time on a clock that has no numbers. I said dont laugh!

Argh! But its true. I need either a digital clock/watch or one which has all the numbers. on it. If there are no numbers, I just squint and stare hard at the watch. And more often than not, I end up flipping my handphone open to get the time.

I know its silly, but I have a few watches that have really funky faces and no numbers. So why do I use a watch I cant tell time with? Well, I dont know the reason why, I just try to make myself look smart :P

Of Dogs and Nice

2006-01-01T23:59:00.000+08:00

It is just past 12 am. The New Year has gone in a flash, and the second day has already begun. I wonder what I am going to achieve this year. The past year was filled with apprehension, new job, anxiety regarding my parents' health and a lot of worry. The only thing that remains the same each year is hope. Everyone of us hope that the year will be a fantabulous one, better than the previous year.
So, to everyone who reads this blog, Have a Great New Year filled with a lot of love, joy, laughter and hope. Cheers~

On a totally different note, my aunt has stayed over at our place for the past two nights. She is afraid of the puppy and keeps 'barking' at the puppy with commands like 'stop', ' no, sit!' , 'keep quiet' etc. After some time, the puppy actually began keeping away from her probably because my aunt's barking became nerve grinding.

I just don't understand something. She knows that there is a puppy here. If she doesnt like, why did she come and stay. Truthfully, I dont like my aunt (she is my father's sister). She has that high and mighty air about her which I loathe. Everyone else is basically beneath her (all my paternal relatives have this attitude), including dogs. Why cant some people just be nice for once? Maybe that should be her resolution for the year...

ME

2005-12-17T21:24:00.000+08:00

Too much stress always makes me go and do something to my hair. Which is what I did today. The wait to get the haircut and highlights done was a killer though. My butt is still aching from the 3 hour ordeal.

Anyways, here is how my hair looks like.

I just did some highlights and the hairdresser 'ironed' my hair flat. Now it looks a bit more curly than this picture though. But i think the hair stylist chose a nice color and style that suits me. Oh yes, I did the protein treatment too, and it really does make a vast improvement on the texture and it controls the frizziness of my hair. Ciao now...

ill will

2005-12-11T11:28:00.000+08:00

My lack of posts this week is attributed to a bad case of the flu (and fever). The whole week was spent in a daze from all the woozy medications the doctor put me on. He threatened that I would end up with pneumonia if I dont complete my antibiotics and medicines as my chest was severly congested!
Well, I am almost fine now except for a mild remnant of the cold (i.e. cough and runny nose and diarrhoea from something I ate yesterday)

Now for something that is long overdue. I sincerely appreciate Mama Bok's wishes and thoughts and all the comments I had for my previous post from my friends, Mama Bok's friends and passers-by. Mama Bok, you are a great person I have come to know through blogging and I cherish your kind thoughts. Thank you *Big HUG* I am much better now.

Existence

2005-12-02T08:40:00.000+08:00

I have reached a point in my life where I look behind and find myself standing alone. My blog has turned into a pseudo-diary for me to confide my feelings of despair, because there is no one else for me to talk to at this point of time.

I am a total wreck inside. My emotions have been building up for some time now and its just a matter of time before all of it explodes.

The reason I realized I was so fragile is because I was nearly hit by a truck yesterday while I was crossing the road at Holland Road. If the passerby had not seen me and pulled me away to stop me from crossing, I would have had to be scraped off the road last night.

Desperately need an avenue to vent my frustrations and sorrows. The previous times I felt like this, I got into useless relationships and dug myself further into a pit. I am sad that my life is this way. I must be a terrible and useless person to end up standing like a vagabond in the middle of the streets without anyone to lean onto.

For now, I just exist.

Blah Weekend

2005-11-28T12:47:00.000+08:00

1. Wash 3 loads of laundry (2 machine wash, 1 hand wash)
2. Vacuum the house and carpet
3. Mop the house
4. Scrubbed and washed both the bathrooms
5. Washed up the pots and plates from breakfast
6. Changed my bedsheets

ARRRgggghhh...my day of rest turned into one of unrest! And today my shoulders feel as though they are going to fall of any moment. I have just one question...Why does the weekend seem so short always.

I Dont Like Housework!

Useless

2005-11-24T17:11:00.000+08:00

I am just a useless being taking up space on earth.
I have no aim.
I cause grieve to others.
I am of no use to anyone.

Why am I alive?
My existance is as good as null.
I am a total waste.
I hate me.

FRUSTRATED

2005-11-23T16:16:00.000+08:00

Sometimes live just seems to be a never ending rut of hopelessness....

Day going wrong

2005-11-16T10:20:00.000+08:00

You know its one of those days when you know that nothing is going to be right. When you step into the office and your boss screams at you saying that a shipment is being botched up and there is nothing anyone can do about it. When you pick up the phone and everyone just screams at you as well. When you trip on the bloody rug on the floor and twist your ankle so bad it hurts even when you keep it still and you cannot go home to rest the ankle because there is so much work to do. Nope, my day is just not going right at all.
It is one of those days. I just dread to think what more disasters will follow...

Lots of things

2005-11-14T20:40:00.000+08:00

Lots of things have happened of late. I do not know where to start, and when I do start, I am not going to be able to stop.

Most days I feel like a round peg trying to fit into a square. I am still very confused as to what I want to find myself doing in 10 years time. Many would be surprised with this confession of mine, but it is the plain truth. I am just wading blindly through the dark trying to find a rope to hold on to.

I have no idea what I want or what I want to do. And it is so scary sometimes. For all of my 24 years, I have just floated aimlessly from one thing to another in the hopes of finding my forte one day. I am still floating and my goal doesnt seem anywhere nearer than before.

What my birthdate means

2005-11-07T09:31:00.000+08:00

Hehehehe....

Your Birthdate: May 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.
Your strength: Your warm heart
Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions
Your power color: Black
Your power symbol: Musical note
Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

bone tired

2005-10-30T15:19:00.000+08:00

I have been so busy lately that I simply did not have the energy to type up a post.

Diwali preparations and work simply exhausts me.

Let me take this opportunity to wish all Hindus a Happy Diwali and all Muslims a Selamat Hari Raya Puasa...

Sorry for the sporadic post. I will resume normal blogging from next week....Tataaaaa

Dopey

2005-10-23T20:43:00.000+08:00

I have been a big dope these days. Too many things on my mind which renders me incapable of thinking or writing coherently. That explains my absence from my blog...

Anyways, I got a new phone and here is a self portrait I took in the office on the 14th Oct 2005.

Chocolate c0nd0ms

2005-10-12T21:13:00.000+08:00

HEhehehe nopes this is not a x-rated post... It has something to do with a dream I had last night.
My dream was very very weird and very funny and I can recall the whole dream rather vividly. Just too funny not to write down for posterity.
" I was at a store...and I kept looking all around me to check if anyone was around. Then I took a box of chocolate flavoured c0nd0ms and paid for it. Out of no where a cousin of mine catches me red-handed and takes me aside. She begins questioning me what I am doing buying this and why I need so many(!!!) and that she was going to tell my mother."

Just then my alarm rang and woke me up. But this was the weirdest dream I ever had.

Spreeeee

2005-10-09T18:55:00.000+08:00

I think I went mental today. Was feeling bored and decided to go down to Jurong Point just to window shop. BUT I ended up buying:
1. a brown skirt
2. a pair of white slippers
3. a pack of panties (hehehe it was on sale!)
4. the refill S-bags for the vacuum cleaner (technically not a personal purchase, but still it was money spent)
5. one falafel for me to munch on
6. two bottles of jam for home (strawberry and marmalade)

AAAHHHHHhhhh..... I have been bitten by the sale bug. It was hard to drag myself away from the stores.

Lost

2005-10-09T00:59:00.000+08:00

Lost something precious today. I am upset and its past 1 am and i cant sleep. Hope I find it soon. It means a lot to me...and its irreplaceable. :(

Tummy Troubles

2005-10-05T15:14:00.000+08:00

Having carrot + apple juice is a bad idea. My stomach started rumbling and I have been running to the loo. AAAA I feel the loo beckoning me again. bye

Wedding bells...

2005-10-04T18:07:00.000+08:00

I had to do a quick run to the store this morning for some red lentils. I walked to the Indian grocer nearby and was looking around for the lentils and happened to overhear a conversation between another customer and the lady boss. The customer, an Indian lady who was around 50 years of age was lamenting that her husband has been telling her that he wished that she would die soon and that he will have peace only with her(the wife) dead! I was totally revolted and disgusted with this.

My blood must have reached boiling point. I dont know what the problem is between the couple but it is definitely not a pleasant thing to have your partner wishing you were dead and telling you to go and die soon. The woman must have cooked, cleaned, made love, bore his children and tended to his needs since the day she got married. And the gratitude she gets in return is simply great. What kind of a world are we living in to have not even have an ounce of compassion to a person you married and promised to cherish till the time you pass on?

Why do people get married in the first place? If it is just for sex or to have someone to clean the house and have your children etc, there are many other ways which do not involve a legal bind. Marriage should only be when one feels that their life begins each day when they wake up and see their loved one by their side, and they pray that for the rest of their lives their loved one will stand by their side to fight and conquer everything that comes their way.

On a side note, my mother is getting desperate to have me married off. When I see things like the above conversation, sometimes I wonder if I do want to get married in the first place and to bring children into a world that is getting worse each day.

I am totally confused right now and its scary.

Beautiful...

2005-10-02T19:56:00.000+08:00

This song sung by Bombay Jaishree has been playing on my mind since I got up this morning. The lyrics are simply beautiful beyond words...The music (Raag: Behag) and the lyrics entwine as one and create a perfect listening pleasure for anyone who hears. The antics of Lord Krishna are so simply written in terms that laymen can comprehend. A must hear for every music lover.

The link for your listening pleasure...
http://www.musicindiaonline.com/p/x/4q223u_oIt.As1NMvHdW/

FINALLY

2005-10-02T19:28:00.000+08:00

Whew I finally got my red flag today! I know it is not normal to show this much enthusiasm for the monthly thing, but I was really feeling very bloated and horrid. (NO, Big Bok, unless I conceived by immaculate conception, there is no possibility of me being pregnant although the signs were similar! :P ) The cramps are bad as usual, but at least I can look forward to feeling 'lighter' tomorrow. Sorry if this was too much information to some of you.

The weekend flew by quickly as usual. Of late, the days have been flying by so quickly that the New Year will be here before you know it.

Right now, Diwali is approaching, and it entails a lot of cleaning, preparation etc. On Diwali day itself, I will be so tired out from all the prep work that I will be beyond exhaustion and moody throughout the day. When guests come, we have to serve them meals and drinks (not alcohol!) and snacks. I dont remember actually sitting down and chatting with guests at all. For me Diwali will usually be the day we have prayers for our ancestors. It usually will be about a week before Diwali and all my immediate family will congregate at my house for the prayers. HMmmm one month countdown starts now...

25 floors

2005-09-30T15:28:00.000+08:00

For the past 3 days I have been:

- Feeling bloated due to water retention
- nauseous
- grumpy
- sleepy

Still no sign of my 'beloved monthly friend' If it does not appear tomorrow, I will jump of the 25th floor. This is getting to be too annoying.

No Time

2005-09-29T09:33:00.000+08:00

I am functioning in PMS mode now so that explains all the cribbing I have been doing lately. So, this is a warning that the following post is highly irrational and has been induced due to the monthly torture that women have to go through. You have been warned.

While on the way to work today while I was standing and holding on to dear life in the train, my mind was filled with too many ramblings. Just a few months ago, when I did not have a proper job and I was sitting at home desperately applying for every job under the sun, I used to envy everyone with a job. The yearning grew into a frenzied need to the extent that I became a recluse for some time. I did not go out anywhere and just sat at home surfing job sites and applying for jobs. I hated when the phone rang and I was the only one who was around to answer, all the relatives of mine just seemed to have only one accusing question when they heard my voice "HAVE YOU GOT A JOB YET?". After hearing it constantly for 2 years, it not only gets irritating , but it demoralises your soul to a very low scum-like level.

Anyways, now I have a job. It was what I prayed for and my prayers have been answered by the higher authorities above. I should have nothing to complain.

There is always a BUT somewhere here. I find myself with no time to do the things I like doing. The thought that for the next 30 odd years or so, I am going to be stuck in this rat race existence simply scares me. We don't have a choice to get out of this mundane cycle of life. Work is crucial for survival. It is very scary, and very sad. This makes me yearn for the free time I had before, but which was never pleasant to me due to the torturous comments everyone made. My believe stays strong that Everything is happening for good, and Everything will be good. I shall end with this poem...

LEISURE

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.
(W. H. Davies)

Closets and Skeletons

2005-09-28T22:55:00.000+08:00

Most people will be dumbfounded if the even know the things I have done. (Only one person knows, and I trust her to keep my secrets safe) I do not wish to confess on my blog and have all my friends and blog readers dropping like flies.

Having done many foolish spur of the moment things, I can say I am at least a little wiser now. I try to think before I go headlong into something blindly. These impulsive tendencies have put me in many dilemmas and so much pain. I say I have gotten over things, but in reality, my heart is being ripped out every minute of the day.

Pain never gets lesser and it never goes away. It always will be around as a constant reminder of what was done. It was few years ago on this day that my stupidity reigned supreme and caused me to do something rather foolish and sad. This was followed by a further succession of even dumber antics till I was told by the secret-knowing person that it was time for me to shape up.

I long for days gone by. Where I was so full of life and cheer. Repercussions were unknown entities. I wish I had the power to change the past, so that I would not hang my head in shame when I think about it.

BLUR

2005-09-28T13:45:00.000+08:00

Only I can manage to do things like this! I locked myself out of the office today. ARGH. My brain is evolving into clay! I went off for lunch, telling the sales guy to lock the door if he leaves and when I came back, I realised I had not brought the keys with me. :( I peeked into the office and I saw my keys sitting on my table. Felt like hitting myself with something. Quickly rang the sales guy up and he was already home, but thankfully he lives at a walking distance from office. He came back and opened the door for me in 10 minutes.

I shall now go bang my head on the wall for being so DUMB. And can someone kick my butt?

Over-hyped!

2005-09-25T22:44:00.000+08:00

I tried the much hyped about Lana Chocolate Cake - by Violet Kwan (quite a famous baker in Singapore). Only thing I can say is that, the Betty Crocker ready-mix chocolate cake is so much better! The texture of the cake was a tad too dry and too crumbly. The choco fudge frosting was okay, but nothing to talk about. In short, the cake tasted just like a neighbourhood bakery cake, which would be much cheaper than the Lana Chocolate Cake!

Over hyped things sometimes fall flat on their face. This one took the cake.

Silence

2005-09-23T20:24:00.000+08:00

Silence swirls around me
I know not where I am
The path ahead is not clear
Just where does this lead?

I close my eyes, and
in my mind's eye I see
me, and my shadow
I stand alone

Shivering in the cold...

Vasantham Star - Part 2

2005-09-23T15:05:00.000+08:00

After my earlier post about Vasantham Star, http://sleeepymango.blogspot.com/2005/09/there-is-this-contest-on-local-tamil.html, I quit watching the program on television. I actually did not want to waste my time or blog space writing about a useless program. But, recently I have been flooded by mails from my friends regarding complaints that are being sent to Mediacorp about this show.

Humility is what the judges lack. To be an artiste, it is important to learn how to be humble. Art including singing, dancing, drama etc are things that do not have specified time periods or specifics at all. One can go on learning singing till the day he dies, and yet he would have hardly scraped the surface in the vast ocean that is singing.

True musicians never boast (although there might be an exceptional few who have their talent go over their heads...in the end these people come tumbling down and thats a pity). Not only in music, but in life as well. Boastfulness is fun only while it lasts, and then when you cannot keep up with it, you fall flat on your face.

There is always someone better. Its only a matter of time that the ranks get changed and someone else attains the higher rungs in the ladder. The measure of indispensibility is to put your hand through a bucket of water; the time it takes for the water to cover your hand is how indispensible one is in reality. Sad and almost philosophical in nature, but very true.

Switchfoot - Someday We'll Know

2005-09-21T11:50:00.000+08:00

Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving, I don't know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later you're still on my mind
Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain
Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue
Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the ninety-seventh time... tonight

Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain
Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue
Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Someday We'll Know Why Samson loved Delilah
One Day I'll go Dancin on the moon
Someday You'll Know That I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
i watch the stars crash into the sea
If I could ask God just one question...
Why aren't you here with me?...tonight

Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain
Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue
Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Someday We'll Know Why Samson loved Delilah
One Day I'll go Dancin on the moon
Someday You'll Know That I was the one for you

YAWN

2005-09-19T17:46:00.000+08:00

*yawN* Its 5.45pm and I am still sitting at work. I am sleepy! But have to wait for boss to approve of some documents. My back is aching like crazy from all the cleaning that I did yesterday. I went totally bonkers and did so much of cleaning that I cant believe myself. Shall crawl under my desk and curl up to sleep if boss doesnt appear soon. All he will find is an empty chair...BWAHAHAHHAHA

Tamizh or Tamil?

2005-09-18T16:52:00.000+08:00

This idiotic pompous-ass moron was trying to enlighten me on the virtues of speaking Tamil. He claimed that its because of Indians like me that all the Indians in general are going down the drain. It all started when the so-called idiot was chatting me up in Tamil. All I said was that I preferred to chat in English on webchat because its easier, and he immediately felt it was his responsibility to start lecturing on my 'ignorance'.

What Tamil means to me is that it is the language my mom sang songs to me to put me to sleep when I was small. I remember those books that my mom used to buy me to practise writing my alphabets. She used to tell me stories in Tamil. In school, when it became compulsory for me to read and summarise Tamil books, my initial feelings of dread turned to interest as I soon found out that the stories had something in common with me. English stories portrayed a world different from my own. Tamil stories had the power of a common factor for me to relate with i.e. the festivals, the customs, the food etc.

Even now, I still need my daily quota of Tamil songs to keep me going through the day.

Keeping a language alive is important. Just as it is to keep the language from its demise. Quantity is less important than quality. Even if I speak less Tamil nowadays than I used to before, I try to speak either fully in Tamil or fully in English. I am not the kind of person who speaks half of each language and then piece it together. More importantly, I pride myself in being Indian; I dont have to blatantly showcase my love for Tamil in chat. And one thing is for sure Mr Pompous Ass - I don't say Tamil. I say Tamizh.

Sharing

2005-09-17T21:36:00.000+08:00

Usually I am a person who is pretty flexible about sharing things with people I like. You could even take the roof off my head and I wouldnt mind one single bit. The only exception is when it comes to this!

Dont EVER touch my Ben & Jerry's Butter Pecan ice cream! Especially when I am in a horrid mood. This is the best ice cream on the planet! Its so rich and creamy and has a full buttery smooth taste. Plus its chock-full of roasted pecans. Sitting on a mountain is not Nirvana. THIS IS. You have to try it. But dont touch mine. I am not sharing! humph!

Nothing

2005-09-15T10:29:00.000+08:00

Today I am blogging about Nothing! Thats the end of my entry. There is absolutely NOTHING!

* I am a bit deranged at the moment. Normal blogging will resume shortly. Let me go pick my brains from the floor.*

Speech

2005-09-13T08:48:00.000+08:00

If you see the front page of today's newspaper, there is a very prominent article on two guys being charged for racial comments on forums.

It is unfair to comment on an entire group of people based on the actions of a certain few. Just because some extreme muslims are terrorising the world in lieu of 'jihad' it doesnt mean that every muslim is bad. If one indian smells of coconut oil in the train, it does not mean that every indian smells. If one african american is poor, it really doesnt mean that their entire community is impoverished. Should there be a few european guys who travel to Thailand to look for young children to have sex with, it doesnt mean that entire europe is filled with paedophiles.

I respect every religion and I expect my believes and thoughts to be respected as well. All these kinds of deragatory remarks and discriminations are like looking up and spitting. Ultimately the spit falls on yourself. Look inside yourself before you make unfair comments or judge others based on their colour/ race or religion. There are good things and bad things about everyone. No one is perfect. If you are so perfect, then you might be schizophrenic.

Welcome

2005-09-12T13:53:00.000+08:00

There was once this silly goose named Rathi. The gander that she was, she forwarded her blog address to everyone in her hotmail contact list by accident. And now she has lots of visitors on her farm. heh! Hows my story eh?
Anyways, to all the people who come through here, hope you have a nice stay. Waddle around and leave a few footprints if you may. And a big Welcome to all of you!

Weekend Blogging

2005-09-11T00:12:00.000+08:00

* I took the advise of Sangeetha aka MUSIC and put titles on my posts :P*

I went down to orchard road after such a long time yesterday. IT WAS SO CROWDED! Aaaack....Too many bodies cramming and clammering to grab bags/shoes/clothes at Tangs. I was seeing a Guess bag that was on offer, and someone snatched it right out from under my nose. Rude person! huMPH! I went to the shoes section and they didnt have the shoes I wanted in my size.

Then I walked down to Wisma all the way to Takashimaya and met my aunt (NOT the one I wanted to sell off to the pig farm. This aunty is really nice). Less crowd there but by then I had given up my fight to buy anything with all the crowd.

Scurrying off to Robinsons at Centrepoint, it felt as though there was a circus going on. SOO crowded. Or maybe its just because I havent been going to Orchard on weekends for a long time now. Anyways, my aunt shopped, while I was being a help by bugging her and asking her incessantly nonsense questions. Hehe I think at some point she wanted to kick me from the 4th storey or something.

Anyways that was the last stop yesterday. Took the train and came home. Although I didnt buy anything, it was fun jostling with all the people like sardines in a can. But at the end of the day I was pooped. I came home, had a light dinner, played some pc games and fell flat on my bed only to wake up at 9am. hehehehehe...its been so long since I slept till late!

Sadly, my non-working saturday came to an end very quickly. Its already past noon on Sunday and tomorrow its back to the daily grind of work life once again. And this week, I have to work half a day on Saturday and my boss is coming back from US. Which creeps me out a little....hmmmm

2005-09-10T10:55:00.000+08:00

Is it possible to sell people off to the pig farm? If anyone has any idea how to, please let me know! I want to sell my so called aunt off.

She came and knocked at my door at the unearthly hour of 6.45am. I mean ccome on, cant she come later? Inconsiderate. And because of her, I had to wake up at 7am on my off day and go buy groceries and juice for her and scrub the toilets and the kitchen. AAAA I am going to scream now.

I think I am gonna go for my eyebrow threading. ITs less torture compared to having to stay here with her around.

Kitchen Experiment!

2005-09-08T20:53:00.000+08:00

Mom's out. Guess she needed a break from staying home all the while that she decided to visit my cousin's house. I was left to my own devices for dinner...Have been craving for vegetables and fruits lately. Even during lunchtime at work, I seem to be munching on fruits more than non-veg food. Yikes! Am I morphing into a vegetarian?? Come to think of it, that won't be such a bad idea after all.

Anyways back to my dinner puzzle. I rummaged the fridge and came up with a head of brocolli and a tube of silken tofu. Inspiration struck!

BROCCOLI TOFU STIR FRY

Brocolli - cut into segments
2 cloves garlic chopped
1/2 onion sliced
1 sliced red chilli
lemongrass ( just cut off most of the tip, leaving a 5cm piece. smash it and slice)
1 tsp sesame oil
a pinch of salt
light soy
vegetarian mushroom sauce
1 tsp cooking oilsilken tofu - cubed/sectioned
2 teaspoons conrflour mixed with 2 teaspoons water
pepper to taste

Add some cooking oil into a heated wok, when the oil gets hot, add in the garlic, lemongrass, chilli and onion. Stir fry till fragrant.
Add broccolli with a dash of water and stir fry till brocolli is almost done. add the salt, light soy and mushroom sauce. Take care not to over-salt the dish.
Stir till the sauce is well mixed with the brocolli. A dash of pepper can be added if needed.
Add the tofu and stir gently, coating the tofu with the sauce.
Pour the cornflour in and simmer for a few seconds.
Put in the sesame oil and stir once through and turn off.
Serve hot over white rice.

This dish is pretty versatile. You can add in any vegetables or meat/fish you fancy. I like the lemongrass for the smell and the flavour it adds to the dish. Similarly, thin strips of ginger can also be added. If rice is too boring, toss in some noodles at the end and you get a yummy noodle dish. The possibilities are endless. It takes just 15 minutes to prepare and cook this whole dish. Simple and yet very yummy and healthy too! Enjoy.

2005-09-08T14:33:00.000+08:00

I guess its time I wrote about one of my love affairs..i.e. with music. I think I was 14 when my mother sent me to vocal/veena classes at Kala Mandhir (now known as TFA). It was a major struggle to get her to send me there as my parents had this belief that I will neglect my studies if I got involved in these kind of activities.

Well anyways, somehow I was enrolled in TFA and in many ways, TFA became a huge part of my life. Apart from regular classes, I slowly got involved in the orchestra and in the Youth group. I can say that my major formative years were spent at TFA. I remember days when we used to have orchestra practices and I used to leave home early in the morning and go back past midnight, and the next day back to TFA for another round of rigorous practices.

TFA thought me many things. Apart from veena and vocal, I gained a lot of know-hows about religion and prayers which I would have not known otherwise. There were many things I did at TFA, from putting rangoli for programs to serving food, to wiping the glass walls at Kanagasabai, to tieing flowers for prayers and many many more. Those days TFA was more like my family. I spent all my free time there and used to eat there do my homework there. Every moment in TFA was filled with music, laughter and happiness.

It might have been out of my crazed love and thirst for music that I did all those things. I was like a sponge those days, practically soaking up everything I could.

Performances, be it whether I was a participant or one in the audience, never failed to leave me spellbound. TFA performances had this special magic for being able to leave people spellbound and entranced. It captivated and enriched my soul and left me yearning for more.

I cannot possibly dictate every magical experience i have had with TFA, but I know that those moments are always highly cherished. These days, life has taken its toll and I havent been attending classes for 2 years now. Somedays, when I pass by City Hall area, I feel a pang of longing deep inside me. I miss TFA. God willing, I am planning to get started on my classes next January when I settle my other issues.

I might not have become a great singer or a great veena player, although I yearn to be able to sing and play the veena well, but it makes me happy to sing/play the veena. My journey with music will continue...soon.

2005-09-08T14:07:00.000+08:00

I dont know what is it with me these days. Each time I see a Lexus, I orgasm. No, I dont get off on cheap thrills. Its just that the car looks so powerful and sleek and strong. Gosh! my mind has run amok now....cant work.

2005-09-07T15:20:00.000+08:00

I just had to post this! Suddenly it struck me that today is the 2 month anniversary since I started working here. GOSh...time has flown by so quickly (although some days drag to no end)

It feels like I have been here for very long. I have got the hang of things more or less and things dont seem to be difficult anymore.
Happy 2 month work anniversary to me!

2005-09-05T10:16:00.000+08:00

This is a public safety message! Dear people who take public transport to work, please make sure you shower and use loads of nice smelling deodorant and body spray. It would make the morning journey very pleasant for everyone.

When the train doors opened this morning, I was hit by a gust of 'body smells' from inside the train, thankfully, I held myself together and didnt collapse like a pack of cards!

IS it so hard to use some soap and wash yourself before coming to work? It would be better if you could also use some mouthwash- or maybe for some cases undiluted dettol to make sure your dragon breath doesnt kill people(after brushing your teeth of course). Why are people so lax about their personal hygiene? Its no use dressing up to the nines when you smell distinctly like a garbage truck. And what more, you gallantly lift your arms and hold on to the grab-rails. Argh please! Spare me the early morning nausea.

*edit* I met this indian guy on the train on my way home. He was so gorgeously tall and hunky. Had a cute moustache to boot and was adorable. Was very well dressed and looked very smart, nice floppy hair. Sadly, my dreams were thrown down the drain when he came near the exit door. He smelled like a rotten egg. I pity myself sometimes...sighz

2005-09-04T19:25:00.000+08:00

There is this 'contest' on the local Tamil channel called Vasantham Star. Its supposedly a American Idol like copycat.
Each time I watch the program, my blood boils. The judges love to criticise the singers. I mean, come on, no matter how bad they are singing, let them know how to improve and encourage them. It takes a lot of guts just to get up on stage in front of a whole lot of people to sing. I think that effort in itself deserves applause.

I remember the female judge when she used to sing a long long time ago...about 15 years ago, she used to stand on stage like a petrified tortoise, hardly moved at all. Just stood there and held the mike tightly in front of her face and sang, no emotions. Even her dressing was horrible. But now, here she is judging on the way people sing without a thought to their feelings and pride.

I always believe that we should encourage people. If you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say anything. Sometimes words can make or break a person.

2005-09-03T20:25:00.000+08:00

I saw this picture on yahoo.com and I was hit by an overwhelming sense of sadness.
No amount of words can even begin to portray the amount of suffering they went through and are going through everyday. Their lives have to begin from scratch, for some, it would begin without their loved ones by their side.
I closed my eyes said a quiet prayer for all of them and a tear escaped and rolled down my cheek...
Below the picture on yahoo.com, there was a link for Red Cross' Hurricane Relief Fund. I just clicked it and I donated a small amount towards the fund.

The Essence of Bhagavad Gita

What happened, it happened for good.

What is happening, is also happening for good.

What is going to happen, will also happen for good.

What have you lost that is yours?

What did you bring, that you lost?

What have you created, that it should go waste?

What you took,was taken from here.

What you gave,was given (from) here.

That which is yours today, will be some one else's tomorrow.

Some other day, it belongs to some other person.

2005-08-26T13:15:00.000+08:00

I have this sudden crazy urge to read Enid Blyton books. This might be my desperate attempt to re-live my carefree younger days or to regress into childhood. Whatever it is, the simplicity in her writing and all the vivid descriptions still have a magnetic pull on many. I miss those days, and I dont have the legit excuse to read an Enid Blyton book. My mom will think I have lost it. Sigh...we lose so many things when we grow up, and this is one of those things.

On another note, the weekend is here!!! I am not working this saturday, so it will be two full days at home/outside. Gosh, I am like some parched person in the desert who has seen water. I desperately need some rest and sleep. Plus I have laundry and cleaning to do, which i dont really mind doing. Anyways, I hope the skies do not open up and pour tomorrow. My accumulated laundry for the week needs to be washed and hung to dry. So please sky, dont rain on me.

Lunch is over, I am going to do some work now. Ciao~

2005-08-19T21:36:00.000+08:00

Its Friday NIGHT and I am sitting home like a duck! GOSH I badly need to get a life. Or at least get shagged...Its bloody boring.

Everyone says I am fat, even my parents. IS that why I cant get a boyfriend? 40 years down the road, even a skinny model is going to grow old. Why cant people look beyond the outer image? What is it with this society that only rake-thin people are deemed beauties? I think I am beautiful. I have a nice smile...and great eyes and nice fingers and smart brains...Why cant I fucking get a boyfriend??? why do i end up with all the junky guys who turn out to be major pieces of shit? I just want someone who takes the time to listen to me...to care about me and who believes in me. Is that too much to ask....
My mom is pressuring me to get married. maybe thats what started this off.

Different topic...
Made myself a quick dinner of chappati and yesterday's leftover minced mutton,green pea and potato keema(curry). Its light and yummy. The pic is a bit fuzzy because I took it with my webcam. Its an OLd dinosaur-model cam. Sorry about that...

2005-08-16T20:59:00.000+08:00

Scary incident at work today!!! One old man, shabbily dressed in a torn singlet and baggy pants came into my office and banged on the door so hard. I thought he was feeling sick or something and jumped to open the door! Luckily I thought twice and tried waving him off.

He refused to move and started shouting that he wants money for a leg operation and tried to turn the door knob. By this time my heart was right at my throat, as I was alone in the office and he was creeping me out.

I said no in mandarin and waved him away but he still persisted and tried showing me his IC and some documents supposedly from the hospital. He looked a bit 'off', like he was drunk. I quickly moved towards my table and on the way I spotted the BIG dinosaur metal paper puncher and decided that would be my weapon should he break in or something.

I took the phone receiver up meaning to call my sis to ask her what to do, and I think the old man assumed I was trying to call the police. He said NO Police and dashed off.

What an experience. I should make sure I remember to keep the door locked at all times. Sighz...terrible encounter!

2005-08-14T13:34:00.000+08:00

I absolutely loathe working on saturdays. I end up being a big grump on Monday cos the weekend flies by so fast, I hardly have time to sit and breathe. ARGH!!!

Getting busier at work. I should start growing more hands a.k.a octopus so I can accomplish more at one go. Sometimes, the phone rings and I am rushing on something and I just forget that I have to answer the phone call! sighz...

Watched Shark Tale yesterday. Very funny movie and the fish Oscar looked exactly like Will Smith!!!

2005-08-11T08:46:00.000+08:00

Long lapse since my last post on blogger. Somehow I find its easier to blog occasionally, because when I force myself to blog everyday, I end up shutting down my blog!

Anyways, I am planning to invest in a good digicam soon and that would be easier for me to start posting pictures in my blog as well.

Had chicken porridge for dinner last night as I was not in the mood to eat any spicy/heavy stuff. Simple recipe but it tasted really great!

Chicken Porridge
1/2 cup rice
chicken fillet, sliced thinly
2 cm piece of ginger, smashed and sliced into thin strips
carrots, cubed small (1/2 a carrot)
spring onions, chopped
red chillies, sliced thin(seeds removed) (optional)
pepper
fried onions (optional)
light soy sauce
2-2.5 cups chicken stock or dissolve 1/2 chicken stock cube in 2-2.5cups of boiling water

Put the chicken stock to boil along with the ginger and pepper, when it reaches boiling point, add in chicken and cook. remove chicken once its thoroughly cooked and keep aside.
In the boiling stock, add the washed rice and boil away till rice is cooked through. Add carrots and continue boiling till rice starts breaking up into desired porridge consistency. Once the rice has gained the desired consistency, add in the cooked chiken and stir through. taste and add salt/soy sauce as desired.
serve garnished with spring onions, red chillies, fried onions and a few drops of sesame oil. Get ready to enter Kai Chok heaven!

Asian Comfort food at its best!!! Yummy in my tummy! Its a pity there isnt a picture to show how pretty the dish was.

2005-07-31T13:06:00.000+08:00

Swamiji passed away on the 27th July. I have mixed feelings about this. Whatever his shortcomings may be, it was undeniable that he had this gift to create magic with the dance and music programs he inspired. All the programs left me yearning for more, wishing it would never end. Whether I was a participant or one in the audience, I have experience much and it is thanks to Swamiji. I have no more words to say....I shall end here...

2005-07-25T11:30:00.000+08:00

Insanity makes the world go round nowadays. They say all sorts of things, but when they require your help, they have no qualms about shamelessly asking.

I am basically not a mean person. If anyone approaches me for any kind of help, I jump to offer assistance to the best of my abilities and means. What I cannot tolerate is when people mock at me and do not bother to help in any way. Even if they are not willing to render some form of aid, at least the words 'I will try' would be some form of balm for a hurt soul. But certain selfish people thought so low of me to the extent that they were sniggering with contempt when I needed a job. Yet now, they approach me shamelessly asking for opportunities. What makes them think I would? Is it so easy to forget what they said then? It was like plunging a sharp sword through a raw open wound.

Revenge is sweet. But my conscience nudges me. It is said that no matter what bad things people do to you, do them good and put them to shame. Its funny, when they do not even realise that they had done harm in the past, how are they gonna feel ashamed realising their folly?

Maybe this is the crossroad where I decide what kind of a person I am. I can choose to give opportunites and not get credit, or ignore and have my revenge tinged with a little bit of tartness. I shall take my decision with a pinch of salt. Ultimately its not worth my time and efforts helping ungrateful people.

2005-07-18T12:33:00.000+08:00

Why are people so selfish? Would it kill them to take a little of their time to listen to someone or to go see someone? Sometimes, all someone needs is a few loving words and some care and concern from a fellow human being. It might just take two minutes, but it would really make that person's day.

Its tiring. When you just care about someone and that person couldnt care less. It hurts inside. Or maybe its my fault for calling at the wrong time. But yet, why does it hurt so. I have no idea...

I feel rotten inside today. Cant do much work. I guess I really am pathetic and stupid.

2005-07-07T00:18:00.000+08:00

I am scared and jittery...with no one to talk to for confidence and so good ol' blogger comes to the rescue.

Maybe I am just afraid to be disappointed to the extent I do not feel the excitement. I pray tomorrow will be successful. Actually I am in a sort of a daze...Aarrrggghhhh... I am just going to put my best foot forward and impress the hell out of them. Wish me luck bloggie!

2005-07-07T00:05:00.000+08:00

I went out to top-up my ezlink card earlier. As I was sitting in the bus, an Indian expat and his son(around5-6 years old) boarded. The little boy had a grumpy look on his face and they sat on the seat adjacent to mine so I could hear every word of their conversation clearly. The father was advising his son to be 'friends' with everyone to which the boy replied that the particular child refused to play with him and he didn't want to be friends.

This charming line of conversation went on for quite a while. What caught my attention and also gave me a sense of longing deep down was the casual tone the father had set for the child. He said that even if someone didnt want to befriend him(the child) he should be friends with everyone and if someone doesnt talk to him, he can always go to someone else and play. This I think plays an important role in how a child perceives the world and the person the child grows up to become. Sadly, I never received this form of support from my parents. They have done a lot for me, but in terms of emotional wellbeing and self-esteem, I didnt get much from them.

The father ended the conversation asking the boy if he considered him as a friend(father and son), to which the boy immediately gave a bright smile and gave his father high fives. I definitely know something now. When I have a child, I will try my best to give him or her a high sense of self-esteem. Sometimes, a few words can really go a long way...

2005-07-05T10:44:00.000+08:00

There has been a long lapse since my last post. It is not as if there has been nothing to write about, but its just that I have not had the mood to do any blogging.

Anyways. I am wretchedly sick at the moment. My sinuses are totally blocked up and I have a throbbing migraine. Hopefully my diarrhea doesn't start up again. Its terrible I tell ya! It makes me really miserable and I start moping around the house. BAH!

Ever wondered why everything keeps going wrong all the time? Somedays, it takes so much energy just to get up and get out of it. I keep falling flat on my face and yet, I get up, dust off and continue on my journey. Things cannot keep going downhill all the time right. I wait with patience and hope.... that tomorrow will bring better things...

2005-06-19T19:09:00.000+08:00

This entry should have been a few days earlier....but I didnt have the mood to blog till now. Alas, better late then never.

So this entry should have been on 15th June 2005...

Met Maygs my cutie pie after a long long long time (read, 5-6years). She looks the same and actually it didnt feel odd at all to meet her. I admit I was a little apprehensive at first. She is so cute and she still looks like the little girl I got to know many years ago. I think maygs was about 6 or 7 and we were in the same Veena class.

Anyways, Maygs graciously agreed to meet me at Plaza Singapura because the squid-brained ME didnt know how to get to Parkway Parade. We adjourned to Swensons and it was so funny because when we were seated, we realised that the place was empty except for us. We ordered food and yakked away...Maygs really gets into all sorts of situations. And the poor girl has a scar near her eye from her accident. I dont think I should disclose certain 'details' about Maygs 'situation' at the moment. *Ahem* Maygs dont hit me ah.....I think you would know what I am talking about :P

Sadly, I had to rush off for a seminar after that so we only managed about 2 hours. But I can say that Maygs is a sweet sensitive soul who has a tough exterior which she uses to protect herself from being hurt. Hei Maygs, if you are reading this, I just want to thank you for taking your time to meet up and stay sweet.

Thats a wrap for now....

2005-06-19T19:00:00.000+08:00

Funny...

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly,a tiny yet
beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary
married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will
grant you each a wish."

"Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my
darling husband" said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and -
abracadabra! - two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well
this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a
lifetime, so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger
than me".

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed; but a wish
is a wish.

So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -
abracadabra! -the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this
story.....Men might be ungrateful idiots....But fairies are......female