Where Do I Run?

Where do I run to? Nothing is working out. No one seems to give a damn, but they wont leave me alone either. All I hear is that I am never good enough.

I am never smart enough to get a proper job; Never pretty enough to get a boyfriend; Never enthusiastic enough about life; Never dressed well enough to not look like a fat slob all the time; Never good enough for anything else than to sit in front of the computer; Never motivated enough to do more than what is asked of me; Never friendly enough to make friends and acquaintances; Never good enough to do anything worth!

Where do I run to get away from myself?
HOW DO I GET AWAY FROM MY FUCKING USELESS LIFE?

Why

Why

At this moment I seem to have a lot of 'WHYS' in my life. It has begun to eat me up from the inside and now there is a gnawing uncertainty playing constantly at the back of my mind.

Whatever activity I happen to be doing, I cant seem to be able to stop this background worrying. If only there was a switch to turn it off and on. Sighs...

Well, I have not been blogging due to the fact that has become stagnated and there is nothing worth writing about. I could go on about dull and mundane things like how the IMF must have cost a bomb because I am seeing flowers all over Suntec and Orchard or I could crib on how hot the weather has become that I might melt into a puddle of human on the sidewalk someday soon.... BUT I am not going to blog about all that.

From my reading of other blogs, I at least see other bloggers' lives' moving forward, or at the very least moving backwards. Mine seems to have gotten stuck with superglue.

OK...Sorry about this absolutely nonsense entry. I am officially insane and in the drain.

If reading my entry causes your grey matter to erode and leak from your orifices, please do not blame me. GAH.

Now, ask yourself, WHY you read my blog today.....

Blogging Tornado! Phew...

Heh...My third post for the day. I dont think I have ever done this many posts in one day.

Anyways this is a real quick post, more of an update actually. My mom went for her review at the doctor's last friday and the doctor has given her the all clear. It doesnt mean that she is perfectly fine though, she will require a lifetime of monitoring, tests and medication. The all clear is just for the tests she underwent a week ago. Still, it is a slight relieve to know that the tests turned out ok.

Was praying hard that it wouldnt be something bad. And thank you for your prayers too Mama Bok.

New House

Here are a few pictures taken during our housewarming (9 July 2006). Click on any pic during the slideshow to view a bigger picture. Will post more house pics once we have everything arranged.

I dont want to give anyone a shock when they see how messy and unorganised the house is at the moment!

Sisters

TO ALL MY SISTERS

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day,

drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.

As they talked about life, about marriage,

about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood,

the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully

and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters," she advised,

swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass.

"They'll be more important as you get older.

No matter how much you love your husband,

no matter how much you love the children you may have,

you are still going to need Sisters.

Remember to go places with them now and then;

do things with them.

"Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...

your girlfriends, your daughters

and all your other women relatives too.

"You'll need other women - Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought.

'Haven't I just gotten married?

Haven't I just joined the couple-world?

I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake!

A grown-up! Surely my husband and the family we may start

will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother.

She kept contact with her Sisters

and made more women friends each year.

As the years tumbled by, one after another,

she gradually came to understand

that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.

As time and nature work their changes

and their mysteries upon a woman,

Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world,

here is what I've learned: THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes. Life happens.

Distance separates. Children grow up.

Jobs come and go. Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't do what they're supposed to do. Hearts break.

Parents die. Colleagues forget favors. Careers end.

BUT......... Sisters are there,

no matter how much time

and how many miles are between you.

A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley

and you have to walk it by yourself,

the women in your life will be on the valley's rim,

cheering you on, praying for you,

pulling for you, intervening on your behalf,

and waiting with open arms at the valley's end.

Sometimes, they will even break the rules

and walk beside you.

Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters,

daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law,

Mothers, Grandmothers, Auntie's, nieces, cousins,

and extended family, all bless our life!

The world wouldn't be the same without women,

and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood;

we had no idea of the incredible joys

or sorrows that lay ahead.

Nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful.

I just did.

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Got this in my email today. Somehow it has summed up a lot of what I feel. I am fortunate to have a lot of wonderful 'Sisters' in my life. Not forgetting the few precious ones whom I have not seen in person, and yet, I feel so comfortable with them as if I have known them for years. Yes, this includes you Mama Bok, Maygs, Aunty Padmasani (I hope I have not left someone out!) and anyone else who reads my blog and has given me encouragement when I needed it the most.

No one is obliged to sit and read someone's blog, let alone feel for them or have to write them a few words to let them know that they are not alone.

The internet is a really strange place. There are so many bad things about it that its scary. But like a small ray of sunshine, these are the good things that makes the internet a better place. For this, I am thankful!