Swamiji passed away on the 27th July. I have mixed feelings about this. Whatever his shortcomings may be, it was undeniable that he had this gift to create magic with the dance and music programs he inspired. All the programs left me yearning for more, wishing it would never end. Whether I was a participant or one in the audience, I have experience much and it is thanks to Swamiji. I have no more words to say....I shall end here...

Insanity makes the world go round nowadays. They say all sorts of things, but when they require your help, they have no qualms about shamelessly asking.

I am basically not a mean person. If anyone approaches me for any kind of help, I jump to offer assistance to the best of my abilities and means. What I cannot tolerate is when people mock at me and do not bother to help in any way. Even if they are not willing to render some form of aid, at least the words 'I will try' would be some form of balm for a hurt soul. But certain selfish people thought so low of me to the extent that they were sniggering with contempt when I needed a job. Yet now, they approach me shamelessly asking for opportunities. What makes them think I would? Is it so easy to forget what they said then? It was like plunging a sharp sword through a raw open wound.

Revenge is sweet. But my conscience nudges me. It is said that no matter what bad things people do to you, do them good and put them to shame. Its funny, when they do not even realise that they had done harm in the past, how are they gonna feel ashamed realising their folly?

Maybe this is the crossroad where I decide what kind of a person I am. I can choose to give opportunites and not get credit, or ignore and have my revenge tinged with a little bit of tartness. I shall take my decision with a pinch of salt. Ultimately its not worth my time and efforts helping ungrateful people.

Why are people so selfish? Would it kill them to take a little of their time to listen to someone or to go see someone? Sometimes, all someone needs is a few loving words and some care and concern from a fellow human being. It might just take two minutes, but it would really make that person's day.

Its tiring. When you just care about someone and that person couldnt care less. It hurts inside. Or maybe its my fault for calling at the wrong time. But yet, why does it hurt so. I have no idea...

I feel rotten inside today. Cant do much work. I guess I really am pathetic and stupid.

I am scared and jittery...with no one to talk to for confidence and so good ol' blogger comes to the rescue.

Maybe I am just afraid to be disappointed to the extent I do not feel the excitement. I pray tomorrow will be successful. Actually I am in a sort of a daze...Aarrrggghhhh... I am just going to put my best foot forward and impress the hell out of them. Wish me luck bloggie!

I went out to top-up my ezlink card earlier. As I was sitting in the bus, an Indian expat and his son(around5-6 years old) boarded. The little boy had a grumpy look on his face and they sat on the seat adjacent to mine so I could hear every word of their conversation clearly. The father was advising his son to be 'friends' with everyone to which the boy replied that the particular child refused to play with him and he didn't want to be friends.

This charming line of conversation went on for quite a while. What caught my attention and also gave me a sense of longing deep down was the casual tone the father had set for the child. He said that even if someone didnt want to befriend him(the child) he should be friends with everyone and if someone doesnt talk to him, he can always go to someone else and play. This I think plays an important role in how a child perceives the world and the person the child grows up to become. Sadly, I never received this form of support from my parents. They have done a lot for me, but in terms of emotional wellbeing and self-esteem, I didnt get much from them.

The father ended the conversation asking the boy if he considered him as a friend(father and son), to which the boy immediately gave a bright smile and gave his father high fives. I definitely know something now. When I have a child, I will try my best to give him or her a high sense of self-esteem. Sometimes, a few words can really go a long way...

There has been a long lapse since my last post. It is not as if there has been nothing to write about, but its just that I have not had the mood to do any blogging.

Anyways. I am wretchedly sick at the moment. My sinuses are totally blocked up and I have a throbbing migraine. Hopefully my diarrhea doesn't start up again. Its terrible I tell ya! It makes me really miserable and I start moping around the house. BAH!

Ever wondered why everything keeps going wrong all the time? Somedays, it takes so much energy just to get up and get out of it. I keep falling flat on my face and yet, I get up, dust off and continue on my journey. Things cannot keep going downhill all the time right. I wait with patience and hope.... that tomorrow will bring better things...