25 floors

For the past 3 days I have been:

- Feeling bloated due to water retention
- nauseous
- grumpy
- sleepy

Still no sign of my 'beloved monthly friend' If it does not appear tomorrow, I will jump of the 25th floor. This is getting to be too annoying.

No Time

I am functioning in PMS mode now so that explains all the cribbing I have been doing lately. So, this is a warning that the following post is highly irrational and has been induced due to the monthly torture that women have to go through. You have been warned.

While on the way to work today while I was standing and holding on to dear life in the train, my mind was filled with too many ramblings. Just a few months ago, when I did not have a proper job and I was sitting at home desperately applying for every job under the sun, I used to envy everyone with a job. The yearning grew into a frenzied need to the extent that I became a recluse for some time. I did not go out anywhere and just sat at home surfing job sites and applying for jobs. I hated when the phone rang and I was the only one who was around to answer, all the relatives of mine just seemed to have only one accusing question when they heard my voice "HAVE YOU GOT A JOB YET?". After hearing it constantly for 2 years, it not only gets irritating , but it demoralises your soul to a very low scum-like level.

Anyways, now I have a job. It was what I prayed for and my prayers have been answered by the higher authorities above. I should have nothing to complain.

There is always a BUT somewhere here. I find myself with no time to do the things I like doing. The thought that for the next 30 odd years or so, I am going to be stuck in this rat race existence simply scares me. We don't have a choice to get out of this mundane cycle of life. Work is crucial for survival. It is very scary, and very sad. This makes me yearn for the free time I had before, but which was never pleasant to me due to the torturous comments everyone made. My believe stays strong that Everything is happening for good, and Everything will be good. I shall end with this poem...

LEISURE

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.
(W. H. Davies)

Closets and Skeletons

Most people will be dumbfounded if the even know the things I have done. (Only one person knows, and I trust her to keep my secrets safe) I do not wish to confess on my blog and have all my friends and blog readers dropping like flies.

Having done many foolish spur of the moment things, I can say I am at least a little wiser now. I try to think before I go headlong into something blindly. These impulsive tendencies have put me in many dilemmas and so much pain. I say I have gotten over things, but in reality, my heart is being ripped out every minute of the day.

Pain never gets lesser and it never goes away. It always will be around as a constant reminder of what was done. It was few years ago on this day that my stupidity reigned supreme and caused me to do something rather foolish and sad. This was followed by a further succession of even dumber antics till I was told by the secret-knowing person that it was time for me to shape up.

I long for days gone by. Where I was so full of life and cheer. Repercussions were unknown entities. I wish I had the power to change the past, so that I would not hang my head in shame when I think about it.

BLUR

Only I can manage to do things like this! I locked myself out of the office today. ARGH. My brain is evolving into clay! I went off for lunch, telling the sales guy to lock the door if he leaves and when I came back, I realised I had not brought the keys with me. :( I peeked into the office and I saw my keys sitting on my table. Felt like hitting myself with something. Quickly rang the sales guy up and he was already home, but thankfully he lives at a walking distance from office. He came back and opened the door for me in 10 minutes.

I shall now go bang my head on the wall for being so DUMB. And can someone kick my butt?

Over-hyped!

I tried the much hyped about Lana Chocolate Cake - by Violet Kwan (quite a famous baker in Singapore). Only thing I can say is that, the Betty Crocker ready-mix chocolate cake is so much better! The texture of the cake was a tad too dry and too crumbly. The choco fudge frosting was okay, but nothing to talk about. In short, the cake tasted just like a neighbourhood bakery cake, which would be much cheaper than the Lana Chocolate Cake!

Over hyped things sometimes fall flat on their face. This one took the cake.

Silence

Silence swirls around me
I know not where I am
The path ahead is not clear
Just where does this lead?

I close my eyes, and
in my mind's eye I see
me, and my shadow
I stand alone

Shivering in the cold...

Vasantham Star - Part 2

After my earlier post about Vasantham Star, http://sleeepymango.blogspot.com/2005/09/there-is-this-contest-on-local-tamil.html, I quit watching the program on television. I actually did not want to waste my time or blog space writing about a useless program. But, recently I have been flooded by mails from my friends regarding complaints that are being sent to Mediacorp about this show.

Humility is what the judges lack. To be an artiste, it is important to learn how to be humble. Art including singing, dancing, drama etc are things that do not have specified time periods or specifics at all. One can go on learning singing till the day he dies, and yet he would have hardly scraped the surface in the vast ocean that is singing.

True musicians never boast (although there might be an exceptional few who have their talent go over their heads...in the end these people come tumbling down and thats a pity). Not only in music, but in life as well. Boastfulness is fun only while it lasts, and then when you cannot keep up with it, you fall flat on your face.

There is always someone better. Its only a matter of time that the ranks get changed and someone else attains the higher rungs in the ladder. The measure of indispensibility is to put your hand through a bucket of water; the time it takes for the water to cover your hand is how indispensible one is in reality. Sad and almost philosophical in nature, but very true.

Switchfoot - Someday We'll Know

Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving, I don't know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later you're still on my mind
Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain
Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue
Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the ninety-seventh time... tonight

Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain
Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue
Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Someday We'll Know Why Samson loved Delilah
One Day I'll go Dancin on the moon
Someday You'll Know That I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
i watch the stars crash into the sea
If I could ask God just one question...
Why aren't you here with me?...tonight

Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain
Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue
Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Someday We'll Know Why Samson loved Delilah
One Day I'll go Dancin on the moon
Someday You'll Know That I was the one for you

*YAWN*

*yawN* Its 5.45pm and I am still sitting at work. I am sleepy! But have to wait for boss to approve of some documents. My back is aching like crazy from all the cleaning that I did yesterday. I went totally bonkers and did so much of cleaning that I cant believe myself. Shall crawl under my desk and curl up to sleep if boss doesnt appear soon. All he will find is an empty chair...BWAHAHAHHAHA

Tamizh or Tamil?

This idiotic pompous-ass moron was trying to enlighten me on the virtues of speaking Tamil. He claimed that its because of Indians like me that all the Indians in general are going down the drain. It all started when the so-called idiot was chatting me up in Tamil. All I said was that I preferred to chat in English on webchat because its easier, and he immediately felt it was his responsibility to start lecturing on my 'ignorance'.

What Tamil means to me is that it is the language my mom sang songs to me to put me to sleep when I was small. I remember those books that my mom used to buy me to practise writing my alphabets. She used to tell me stories in Tamil. In school, when it became compulsory for me to read and summarise Tamil books, my initial feelings of dread turned to interest as I soon found out that the stories had something in common with me. English stories portrayed a world different from my own. Tamil stories had the power of a common factor for me to relate with i.e. the festivals, the customs, the food etc.

Even now, I still need my daily quota of Tamil songs to keep me going through the day.

Keeping a language alive is important. Just as it is to keep the language from its demise. Quantity is less important than quality. Even if I speak less Tamil nowadays than I used to before, I try to speak either fully in Tamil or fully in English. I am not the kind of person who speaks half of each language and then piece it together. More importantly, I pride myself in being Indian; I dont have to blatantly showcase my love for Tamil in chat. And one thing is for sure Mr Pompous Ass - I don't say Tamil. I say Tamizh.

Sharing

Usually I am a person who is pretty flexible about sharing things with people I like. You could even take the roof off my head and I wouldnt mind one single bit. The only exception is when it comes to this!

Dont EVER touch my Ben & Jerry's Butter Pecan ice cream! Especially when I am in a horrid mood. This is the best ice cream on the planet! Its so rich and creamy and has a full buttery smooth taste. Plus its chock-full of roasted pecans. Sitting on a mountain is not Nirvana. THIS IS. You have to try it. But dont touch mine. I am not sharing! humph!

Nothing

Today I am blogging about Nothing! Thats the end of my entry. There is absolutely NOTHING!

* I am a bit deranged at the moment. Normal blogging will resume shortly. Let me go pick my brains from the floor.*

Speech

If you see the front page of today's newspaper, there is a very prominent article on two guys being charged for racial comments on forums.

It is unfair to comment on an entire group of people based on the actions of a certain few. Just because some extreme muslims are terrorising the world in lieu of 'jihad' it doesnt mean that every muslim is bad. If one indian smells of coconut oil in the train, it does not mean that every indian smells. If one african american is poor, it really doesnt mean that their entire community is impoverished. Should there be a few european guys who travel to Thailand to look for young children to have sex with, it doesnt mean that entire europe is filled with paedophiles.

I respect every religion and I expect my believes and thoughts to be respected as well. All these kinds of deragatory remarks and discriminations are like looking up and spitting. Ultimately the spit falls on yourself. Look inside yourself before you make unfair comments or judge others based on their colour/ race or religion. There are good things and bad things about everyone. No one is perfect. If you are so perfect, then you might be schizophrenic.

Welcome

There was once this silly goose named Rathi. The gander that she was, she forwarded her blog address to everyone in her hotmail contact list by accident. And now she has lots of visitors on her farm. heh! Hows my story eh?
Anyways, to all the people who come through here, hope you have a nice stay. Waddle around and leave a few footprints if you may. And a big Welcome to all of you!

Weekend Blogging

* I took the advise of Sangeetha aka MUSIC and put titles on my posts :P*

I went down to orchard road after such a long time yesterday. IT WAS SO CROWDED! Aaaack....Too many bodies cramming and clammering to grab bags/shoes/clothes at Tangs. I was seeing a Guess bag that was on offer, and someone snatched it right out from under my nose. Rude person! huMPH! I went to the shoes section and they didnt have the shoes I wanted in my size.

Then I walked down to Wisma all the way to Takashimaya and met my aunt (NOT the one I wanted to sell off to the pig farm. This aunty is really nice). Less crowd there but by then I had given up my fight to buy anything with all the crowd.

Scurrying off to Robinsons at Centrepoint, it felt as though there was a circus going on. SOO crowded. Or maybe its just because I havent been going to Orchard on weekends for a long time now. Anyways, my aunt shopped, while I was being a help by bugging her and asking her incessantly nonsense questions. Hehe I think at some point she wanted to kick me from the 4th storey or something.

Anyways that was the last stop yesterday. Took the train and came home. Although I didnt buy anything, it was fun jostling with all the people like sardines in a can. But at the end of the day I was pooped. I came home, had a light dinner, played some pc games and fell flat on my bed only to wake up at 9am. hehehehehe...its been so long since I slept till late!

Sadly, my non-working saturday came to an end very quickly. Its already past noon on Sunday and tomorrow its back to the daily grind of work life once again. And this week, I have to work half a day on Saturday and my boss is coming back from US. Which creeps me out a little....hmmmm

Is it possible to sell people off to the pig farm? If anyone has any idea how to, please let me know! I want to sell my so called aunt off.

She came and knocked at my door at the unearthly hour of 6.45am. I mean ccome on, cant she come later? Inconsiderate. And because of her, I had to wake up at 7am on my off day and go buy groceries and juice for her and scrub the toilets and the kitchen. AAAA I am going to scream now.

I think I am gonna go for my eyebrow threading. ITs less torture compared to having to stay here with her around.

Kitchen Experiment!

Mom's out. Guess she needed a break from staying home all the while that she decided to visit my cousin's house. I was left to my own devices for dinner...Have been craving for vegetables and fruits lately. Even during lunchtime at work, I seem to be munching on fruits more than non-veg food. Yikes! Am I morphing into a vegetarian?? Come to think of it, that won't be such a bad idea after all.

Anyways back to my dinner puzzle. I rummaged the fridge and came up with a head of brocolli and a tube of silken tofu. Inspiration struck!

BROCCOLI TOFU STIR FRY

Brocolli - cut into segments
2 cloves garlic chopped
1/2 onion sliced
1 sliced red chilli
lemongrass ( just cut off most of the tip, leaving a 5cm piece. smash it and slice)
1 tsp sesame oil
a pinch of salt
light soy
vegetarian mushroom sauce
1 tsp cooking oilsilken tofu - cubed/sectioned
2 teaspoons conrflour mixed with 2 teaspoons water
pepper to taste

Add some cooking oil into a heated wok, when the oil gets hot, add in the garlic, lemongrass, chilli and onion. Stir fry till fragrant.
Add broccolli with a dash of water and stir fry till brocolli is almost done. add the salt, light soy and mushroom sauce. Take care not to over-salt the dish.
Stir till the sauce is well mixed with the brocolli. A dash of pepper can be added if needed.
Add the tofu and stir gently, coating the tofu with the sauce.
Pour the cornflour in and simmer for a few seconds.
Put in the sesame oil and stir once through and turn off.
Serve hot over white rice.

This dish is pretty versatile. You can add in any vegetables or meat/fish you fancy. I like the lemongrass for the smell and the flavour it adds to the dish. Similarly, thin strips of ginger can also be added. If rice is too boring, toss in some noodles at the end and you get a yummy noodle dish. The possibilities are endless. It takes just 15 minutes to prepare and cook this whole dish. Simple and yet very yummy and healthy too! Enjoy.

I guess its time I wrote about one of my love affairs..i.e. with music. I think I was 14 when my mother sent me to vocal/veena classes at Kala Mandhir (now known as TFA). It was a major struggle to get her to send me there as my parents had this belief that I will neglect my studies if I got involved in these kind of activities.

Well anyways, somehow I was enrolled in TFA and in many ways, TFA became a huge part of my life. Apart from regular classes, I slowly got involved in the orchestra and in the Youth group. I can say that my major formative years were spent at TFA. I remember days when we used to have orchestra practices and I used to leave home early in the morning and go back past midnight, and the next day back to TFA for another round of rigorous practices.

TFA thought me many things. Apart from veena and vocal, I gained a lot of know-hows about religion and prayers which I would have not known otherwise. There were many things I did at TFA, from putting rangoli for programs to serving food, to wiping the glass walls at Kanagasabai, to tieing flowers for prayers and many many more. Those days TFA was more like my family. I spent all my free time there and used to eat there do my homework there. Every moment in TFA was filled with music, laughter and happiness.

It might have been out of my crazed love and thirst for music that I did all those things. I was like a sponge those days, practically soaking up everything I could.

Performances, be it whether I was a participant or one in the audience, never failed to leave me spellbound. TFA performances had this special magic for being able to leave people spellbound and entranced. It captivated and enriched my soul and left me yearning for more.

I cannot possibly dictate every magical experience i have had with TFA, but I know that those moments are always highly cherished. These days, life has taken its toll and I havent been attending classes for 2 years now. Somedays, when I pass by City Hall area, I feel a pang of longing deep inside me. I miss TFA. God willing, I am planning to get started on my classes next January when I settle my other issues.

I might not have become a great singer or a great veena player, although I yearn to be able to sing and play the veena well, but it makes me happy to sing/play the veena. My journey with music will continue...soon.

I dont know what is it with me these days. Each time I see a Lexus, I orgasm. No, I dont get off on cheap thrills. Its just that the car looks so powerful and sleek and strong. Gosh! my mind has run amok now....cant work.

I just had to post this! Suddenly it struck me that today is the 2 month anniversary since I started working here. GOSh...time has flown by so quickly (although some days drag to no end)

It feels like I have been here for very long. I have got the hang of things more or less and things dont seem to be difficult anymore.
Happy 2 month work anniversary to me!

This is a public safety message! Dear people who take public transport to work, please make sure you shower and use loads of nice smelling deodorant and body spray. It would make the morning journey very pleasant for everyone.

When the train doors opened this morning, I was hit by a gust of 'body smells' from inside the train, thankfully, I held myself together and didnt collapse like a pack of cards!

IS it so hard to use some soap and wash yourself before coming to work? It would be better if you could also use some mouthwash- or maybe for some cases undiluted dettol to make sure your dragon breath doesnt kill people(after brushing your teeth of course). Why are people so lax about their personal hygiene? Its no use dressing up to the nines when you smell distinctly like a garbage truck. And what more, you gallantly lift your arms and hold on to the grab-rails. Argh please! Spare me the early morning nausea.

*edit* I met this indian guy on the train on my way home. He was so gorgeously tall and hunky. Had a cute moustache to boot and was adorable. Was very well dressed and looked very smart, nice floppy hair. Sadly, my dreams were thrown down the drain when he came near the exit door. He smelled like a rotten egg. I pity myself sometimes...sighz

There is this 'contest' on the local Tamil channel called Vasantham Star. Its supposedly a American Idol like copycat.
Each time I watch the program, my blood boils. The judges love to criticise the singers. I mean, come on, no matter how bad they are singing, let them know how to improve and encourage them. It takes a lot of guts just to get up on stage in front of a whole lot of people to sing. I think that effort in itself deserves applause.

I remember the female judge when she used to sing a long long time ago...about 15 years ago, she used to stand on stage like a petrified tortoise, hardly moved at all. Just stood there and held the mike tightly in front of her face and sang, no emotions. Even her dressing was horrible. But now, here she is judging on the way people sing without a thought to their feelings and pride.

I always believe that we should encourage people. If you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say anything. Sometimes words can make or break a person.

I saw this picture on yahoo.com and I was hit by an overwhelming sense of sadness.
No amount of words can even begin to portray the amount of suffering they went through and are going through everyday. Their lives have to begin from scratch, for some, it would begin without their loved ones by their side.
I closed my eyes said a quiet prayer for all of them and a tear escaped and rolled down my cheek...
Below the picture on yahoo.com, there was a link for Red Cross' Hurricane Relief Fund. I just clicked it and I donated a small amount towards the fund.

The Essence of Bhagavad Gita

What happened, it happened for good.

What is happening, is also happening for good.

What is going to happen, will also happen for good.

What have you lost that is yours?

What did you bring, that you lost?

What have you created, that it should go waste?

What you took,was taken from here.

What you gave,was given (from) here.

That which is yours today, will be some one else's tomorrow.

Some other day, it belongs to some other person.