ME

Too much stress always makes me go and do something to my hair. Which is what I did today. The wait to get the haircut and highlights done was a killer though. My butt is still aching from the 3 hour ordeal.

Anyways, here is how my hair looks like.

I just did some highlights and the hairdresser 'ironed' my hair flat. Now it looks a bit more curly than this picture though. But i think the hair stylist chose a nice color and style that suits me. Oh yes, I did the protein treatment too, and it really does make a vast improvement on the texture and it controls the frizziness of my hair. Ciao now...

ill will

My lack of posts this week is attributed to a bad case of the flu (and fever). The whole week was spent in a daze from all the woozy medications the doctor put me on. He threatened that I would end up with pneumonia if I dont complete my antibiotics and medicines as my chest was severly congested!
Well, I am almost fine now except for a mild remnant of the cold (i.e. cough and runny nose and diarrhoea from something I ate yesterday)

Now for something that is long overdue. I sincerely appreciate Mama Bok's wishes and thoughts and all the comments I had for my previous post from my friends, Mama Bok's friends and passers-by. Mama Bok, you are a great person I have come to know through blogging and I cherish your kind thoughts. Thank you *Big HUG* I am much better now.

Existence

I have reached a point in my life where I look behind and find myself standing alone. My blog has turned into a pseudo-diary for me to confide my feelings of despair, because there is no one else for me to talk to at this point of time.

I am a total wreck inside. My emotions have been building up for some time now and its just a matter of time before all of it explodes.

The reason I realized I was so fragile is because I was nearly hit by a truck yesterday while I was crossing the road at Holland Road. If the passerby had not seen me and pulled me away to stop me from crossing, I would have had to be scraped off the road last night.

Desperately need an avenue to vent my frustrations and sorrows. The previous times I felt like this, I got into useless relationships and dug myself further into a pit. I am sad that my life is this way. I must be a terrible and useless person to end up standing like a vagabond in the middle of the streets without anyone to lean onto.

For now, I just exist.

Blah Weekend

1. Wash 3 loads of laundry (2 machine wash, 1 hand wash)
2. Vacuum the house and carpet
3. Mop the house
4. Scrubbed and washed both the bathrooms
5. Washed up the pots and plates from breakfast
6. Changed my bedsheets

ARRRgggghhh...my day of rest turned into one of unrest! And today my shoulders feel as though they are going to fall of any moment. I have just one question...Why does the weekend seem so short always.

I Dont Like Housework!

Useless

I am just a useless being taking up space on earth.
I have no aim.
I cause grieve to others.
I am of no use to anyone.

Why am I alive?
My existance is as good as null.
I am a total waste.
I hate me.

FRUSTRATED

Sometimes live just seems to be a never ending rut of hopelessness....

Day going wrong

You know its one of those days when you know that nothing is going to be right. When you step into the office and your boss screams at you saying that a shipment is being botched up and there is nothing anyone can do about it. When you pick up the phone and everyone just screams at you as well. When you trip on the bloody rug on the floor and twist your ankle so bad it hurts even when you keep it still and you cannot go home to rest the ankle because there is so much work to do. Nope, my day is just not going right at all.
It is one of those days. I just dread to think what more disasters will follow...

Lots of things

Lots of things have happened of late. I do not know where to start, and when I do start, I am not going to be able to stop.

Most days I feel like a round peg trying to fit into a square. I am still very confused as to what I want to find myself doing in 10 years time. Many would be surprised with this confession of mine, but it is the plain truth. I am just wading blindly through the dark trying to find a rope to hold on to.

I have no idea what I want or what I want to do. And it is so scary sometimes. For all of my 24 years, I have just floated aimlessly from one thing to another in the hopes of finding my forte one day. I am still floating and my goal doesnt seem anywhere nearer than before.

What my birthdate means

Hehehehe....

Your Birthdate: May 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

bone tired

I have been so busy lately that I simply did not have the energy to type up a post.

Diwali preparations and work simply exhausts me.

Let me take this opportunity to wish all Hindus a Happy Diwali and all Muslims a Selamat Hari Raya Puasa...

Sorry for the sporadic post. I will resume normal blogging from next week....Tataaaaa

Dopey

I have been a big dope these days. Too many things on my mind which renders me incapable of thinking or writing coherently. That explains my absence from my blog...

Anyways, I got a new phone and here is a self portrait I took in the office on the 14th Oct 2005.

Chocolate c0nd0ms

HEhehehe nopes this is not a x-rated post... It has something to do with a dream I had last night.
My dream was very very weird and very funny and I can recall the whole dream rather vividly. Just too funny not to write down for posterity.
" I was at a store...and I kept looking all around me to check if anyone was around. Then I took a box of chocolate flavoured c0nd0ms and paid for it. Out of no where a cousin of mine catches me red-handed and takes me aside. She begins questioning me what I am doing buying this and why I need so many(!!!) and that she was going to tell my mother."

Just then my alarm rang and woke me up. But this was the weirdest dream I ever had.

Spreeeee

I think I went mental today. Was feeling bored and decided to go down to Jurong Point just to window shop. BUT I ended up buying:
1. a brown skirt
2. a pair of white slippers
3. a pack of panties (hehehe it was on sale!)
4. the refill S-bags for the vacuum cleaner (technically not a personal purchase, but still it was money spent)
5. one falafel for me to munch on
6. two bottles of jam for home (strawberry and marmalade)

AAAHHHHHhhhh..... I have been bitten by the sale bug. It was hard to drag myself away from the stores.

Lost

Lost something precious today. I am upset and its past 1 am and i cant sleep. Hope I find it soon. It means a lot to me...and its irreplaceable. :(

Tummy Troubles

Having carrot + apple juice is a bad idea. My stomach started rumbling and I have been running to the loo. AAAA I feel the loo beckoning me again. bye

Wedding bells...

I had to do a quick run to the store this morning for some red lentils. I walked to the Indian grocer nearby and was looking around for the lentils and happened to overhear a conversation between another customer and the lady boss. The customer, an Indian lady who was around 50 years of age was lamenting that her husband has been telling her that he wished that she would die soon and that he will have peace only with her(the wife) dead! I was totally revolted and disgusted with this.

My blood must have reached boiling point. I dont know what the problem is between the couple but it is definitely not a pleasant thing to have your partner wishing you were dead and telling you to go and die soon. The woman must have cooked, cleaned, made love, bore his children and tended to his needs since the day she got married. And the gratitude she gets in return is simply great. What kind of a world are we living in to have not even have an ounce of compassion to a person you married and promised to cherish till the time you pass on?

Why do people get married in the first place? If it is just for sex or to have someone to clean the house and have your children etc, there are many other ways which do not involve a legal bind. Marriage should only be when one feels that their life begins each day when they wake up and see their loved one by their side, and they pray that for the rest of their lives their loved one will stand by their side to fight and conquer everything that comes their way.

On a side note, my mother is getting desperate to have me married off. When I see things like the above conversation, sometimes I wonder if I do want to get married in the first place and to bring children into a world that is getting worse each day.

I am totally confused right now and its scary.

Beautiful...

This song sung by Bombay Jaishree has been playing on my mind since I got up this morning. The lyrics are simply beautiful beyond words...The music (Raag: Behag) and the lyrics entwine as one and create a perfect listening pleasure for anyone who hears. The antics of Lord Krishna are so simply written in terms that laymen can comprehend. A must hear for every music lover.

The link for your listening pleasure...
http://www.musicindiaonline.com/p/x/4q223u_oIt.As1NMvHdW/

FINALLY

Whew I finally got my red flag today! I know it is not normal to show this much enthusiasm for the monthly thing, but I was really feeling very bloated and horrid. (NO, Big Bok, unless I conceived by immaculate conception, there is no possibility of me being pregnant although the signs were similar! :P ) The cramps are bad as usual, but at least I can look forward to feeling 'lighter' tomorrow. Sorry if this was too much information to some of you.

The weekend flew by quickly as usual. Of late, the days have been flying by so quickly that the New Year will be here before you know it.

Right now, Diwali is approaching, and it entails a lot of cleaning, preparation etc. On Diwali day itself, I will be so tired out from all the prep work that I will be beyond exhaustion and moody throughout the day. When guests come, we have to serve them meals and drinks (not alcohol!) and snacks. I dont remember actually sitting down and chatting with guests at all. For me Diwali will usually be the day we have prayers for our ancestors. It usually will be about a week before Diwali and all my immediate family will congregate at my house for the prayers. HMmmm one month countdown starts now...

25 floors

For the past 3 days I have been:

- Feeling bloated due to water retention
- nauseous
- grumpy
- sleepy

Still no sign of my 'beloved monthly friend' If it does not appear tomorrow, I will jump of the 25th floor. This is getting to be too annoying.

No Time

I am functioning in PMS mode now so that explains all the cribbing I have been doing lately. So, this is a warning that the following post is highly irrational and has been induced due to the monthly torture that women have to go through. You have been warned.

While on the way to work today while I was standing and holding on to dear life in the train, my mind was filled with too many ramblings. Just a few months ago, when I did not have a proper job and I was sitting at home desperately applying for every job under the sun, I used to envy everyone with a job. The yearning grew into a frenzied need to the extent that I became a recluse for some time. I did not go out anywhere and just sat at home surfing job sites and applying for jobs. I hated when the phone rang and I was the only one who was around to answer, all the relatives of mine just seemed to have only one accusing question when they heard my voice "HAVE YOU GOT A JOB YET?". After hearing it constantly for 2 years, it not only gets irritating , but it demoralises your soul to a very low scum-like level.

Anyways, now I have a job. It was what I prayed for and my prayers have been answered by the higher authorities above. I should have nothing to complain.

There is always a BUT somewhere here. I find myself with no time to do the things I like doing. The thought that for the next 30 odd years or so, I am going to be stuck in this rat race existence simply scares me. We don't have a choice to get out of this mundane cycle of life. Work is crucial for survival. It is very scary, and very sad. This makes me yearn for the free time I had before, but which was never pleasant to me due to the torturous comments everyone made. My believe stays strong that Everything is happening for good, and Everything will be good. I shall end with this poem...

LEISURE

What is this life if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.
No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep or cows.
No time to see, when woods we pass,

Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass.
No time to see, in broad daylight,

Streams full of stars, like skies at night.
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

And watch her feet, how they can dance.
No time to wait till her mouth can

Enrich that smile her eyes began.
A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.
(W. H. Davies)

Closets and Skeletons

Most people will be dumbfounded if the even know the things I have done. (Only one person knows, and I trust her to keep my secrets safe) I do not wish to confess on my blog and have all my friends and blog readers dropping like flies.

Having done many foolish spur of the moment things, I can say I am at least a little wiser now. I try to think before I go headlong into something blindly. These impulsive tendencies have put me in many dilemmas and so much pain. I say I have gotten over things, but in reality, my heart is being ripped out every minute of the day.

Pain never gets lesser and it never goes away. It always will be around as a constant reminder of what was done. It was few years ago on this day that my stupidity reigned supreme and caused me to do something rather foolish and sad. This was followed by a further succession of even dumber antics till I was told by the secret-knowing person that it was time for me to shape up.

I long for days gone by. Where I was so full of life and cheer. Repercussions were unknown entities. I wish I had the power to change the past, so that I would not hang my head in shame when I think about it.

BLUR

Only I can manage to do things like this! I locked myself out of the office today. ARGH. My brain is evolving into clay! I went off for lunch, telling the sales guy to lock the door if he leaves and when I came back, I realised I had not brought the keys with me. :( I peeked into the office and I saw my keys sitting on my table. Felt like hitting myself with something. Quickly rang the sales guy up and he was already home, but thankfully he lives at a walking distance from office. He came back and opened the door for me in 10 minutes.

I shall now go bang my head on the wall for being so DUMB. And can someone kick my butt?

Over-hyped!

I tried the much hyped about Lana Chocolate Cake - by Violet Kwan (quite a famous baker in Singapore). Only thing I can say is that, the Betty Crocker ready-mix chocolate cake is so much better! The texture of the cake was a tad too dry and too crumbly. The choco fudge frosting was okay, but nothing to talk about. In short, the cake tasted just like a neighbourhood bakery cake, which would be much cheaper than the Lana Chocolate Cake!

Over hyped things sometimes fall flat on their face. This one took the cake.

Silence

Silence swirls around me
I know not where I am
The path ahead is not clear
Just where does this lead?

I close my eyes, and
in my mind's eye I see
me, and my shadow
I stand alone

Shivering in the cold...

Vasantham Star - Part 2

After my earlier post about Vasantham Star, http://sleeepymango.blogspot.com/2005/09/there-is-this-contest-on-local-tamil.html, I quit watching the program on television. I actually did not want to waste my time or blog space writing about a useless program. But, recently I have been flooded by mails from my friends regarding complaints that are being sent to Mediacorp about this show.

Humility is what the judges lack. To be an artiste, it is important to learn how to be humble. Art including singing, dancing, drama etc are things that do not have specified time periods or specifics at all. One can go on learning singing till the day he dies, and yet he would have hardly scraped the surface in the vast ocean that is singing.

True musicians never boast (although there might be an exceptional few who have their talent go over their heads...in the end these people come tumbling down and thats a pity). Not only in music, but in life as well. Boastfulness is fun only while it lasts, and then when you cannot keep up with it, you fall flat on your face.

There is always someone better. Its only a matter of time that the ranks get changed and someone else attains the higher rungs in the ladder. The measure of indispensibility is to put your hand through a bucket of water; the time it takes for the water to cover your hand is how indispensible one is in reality. Sad and almost philosophical in nature, but very true.

Switchfoot - Someday We'll Know

Ninety miles outside Chicago
Can't stop driving, I don't know why
So many questions, I need an answer
Two years later you're still on my mind
Whatever happened to Amelia Earhart?
Who holds the stars up in the sky?
Is true love just once in a lifetime?
Did the captain of the Titanic cry?

Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain
Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue
Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you

Does anybody know the way to Atlantis?
Or what the wind says when she cries?
I'm speeding by the place that I met you
For the ninety-seventh time... tonight

Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain
Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue
Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Someday We'll Know Why Samson loved Delilah
One Day I'll go Dancin on the moon
Someday You'll Know That I was the one for you

I bought a ticket to the end of the rainbow
i watch the stars crash into the sea
If I could ask God just one question...
Why aren't you here with me?...tonight

Someday We'll Know If love can move a mountain
Someday We'll Know Why the sky is blue
Someday We'll Know Why I wasn't meant for you

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Someday We'll Know Why Samson loved Delilah
One Day I'll go Dancin on the moon
Someday You'll Know That I was the one for you

*YAWN*

*yawN* Its 5.45pm and I am still sitting at work. I am sleepy! But have to wait for boss to approve of some documents. My back is aching like crazy from all the cleaning that I did yesterday. I went totally bonkers and did so much of cleaning that I cant believe myself. Shall crawl under my desk and curl up to sleep if boss doesnt appear soon. All he will find is an empty chair...BWAHAHAHHAHA

Tamizh or Tamil?

This idiotic pompous-ass moron was trying to enlighten me on the virtues of speaking Tamil. He claimed that its because of Indians like me that all the Indians in general are going down the drain. It all started when the so-called idiot was chatting me up in Tamil. All I said was that I preferred to chat in English on webchat because its easier, and he immediately felt it was his responsibility to start lecturing on my 'ignorance'.

What Tamil means to me is that it is the language my mom sang songs to me to put me to sleep when I was small. I remember those books that my mom used to buy me to practise writing my alphabets. She used to tell me stories in Tamil. In school, when it became compulsory for me to read and summarise Tamil books, my initial feelings of dread turned to interest as I soon found out that the stories had something in common with me. English stories portrayed a world different from my own. Tamil stories had the power of a common factor for me to relate with i.e. the festivals, the customs, the food etc.

Even now, I still need my daily quota of Tamil songs to keep me going through the day.

Keeping a language alive is important. Just as it is to keep the language from its demise. Quantity is less important than quality. Even if I speak less Tamil nowadays than I used to before, I try to speak either fully in Tamil or fully in English. I am not the kind of person who speaks half of each language and then piece it together. More importantly, I pride myself in being Indian; I dont have to blatantly showcase my love for Tamil in chat. And one thing is for sure Mr Pompous Ass - I don't say Tamil. I say Tamizh.

Sharing

Usually I am a person who is pretty flexible about sharing things with people I like. You could even take the roof off my head and I wouldnt mind one single bit. The only exception is when it comes to this!

Dont EVER touch my Ben & Jerry's Butter Pecan ice cream! Especially when I am in a horrid mood. This is the best ice cream on the planet! Its so rich and creamy and has a full buttery smooth taste. Plus its chock-full of roasted pecans. Sitting on a mountain is not Nirvana. THIS IS. You have to try it. But dont touch mine. I am not sharing! humph!

Nothing

Today I am blogging about Nothing! Thats the end of my entry. There is absolutely NOTHING!

* I am a bit deranged at the moment. Normal blogging will resume shortly. Let me go pick my brains from the floor.*

Speech

If you see the front page of today's newspaper, there is a very prominent article on two guys being charged for racial comments on forums.

It is unfair to comment on an entire group of people based on the actions of a certain few. Just because some extreme muslims are terrorising the world in lieu of 'jihad' it doesnt mean that every muslim is bad. If one indian smells of coconut oil in the train, it does not mean that every indian smells. If one african american is poor, it really doesnt mean that their entire community is impoverished. Should there be a few european guys who travel to Thailand to look for young children to have sex with, it doesnt mean that entire europe is filled with paedophiles.

I respect every religion and I expect my believes and thoughts to be respected as well. All these kinds of deragatory remarks and discriminations are like looking up and spitting. Ultimately the spit falls on yourself. Look inside yourself before you make unfair comments or judge others based on their colour/ race or religion. There are good things and bad things about everyone. No one is perfect. If you are so perfect, then you might be schizophrenic.

Welcome

There was once this silly goose named Rathi. The gander that she was, she forwarded her blog address to everyone in her hotmail contact list by accident. And now she has lots of visitors on her farm. heh! Hows my story eh?
Anyways, to all the people who come through here, hope you have a nice stay. Waddle around and leave a few footprints if you may. And a big Welcome to all of you!

Weekend Blogging

* I took the advise of Sangeetha aka MUSIC and put titles on my posts :P*

I went down to orchard road after such a long time yesterday. IT WAS SO CROWDED! Aaaack....Too many bodies cramming and clammering to grab bags/shoes/clothes at Tangs. I was seeing a Guess bag that was on offer, and someone snatched it right out from under my nose. Rude person! huMPH! I went to the shoes section and they didnt have the shoes I wanted in my size.

Then I walked down to Wisma all the way to Takashimaya and met my aunt (NOT the one I wanted to sell off to the pig farm. This aunty is really nice). Less crowd there but by then I had given up my fight to buy anything with all the crowd.

Scurrying off to Robinsons at Centrepoint, it felt as though there was a circus going on. SOO crowded. Or maybe its just because I havent been going to Orchard on weekends for a long time now. Anyways, my aunt shopped, while I was being a help by bugging her and asking her incessantly nonsense questions. Hehe I think at some point she wanted to kick me from the 4th storey or something.

Anyways that was the last stop yesterday. Took the train and came home. Although I didnt buy anything, it was fun jostling with all the people like sardines in a can. But at the end of the day I was pooped. I came home, had a light dinner, played some pc games and fell flat on my bed only to wake up at 9am. hehehehehe...its been so long since I slept till late!

Sadly, my non-working saturday came to an end very quickly. Its already past noon on Sunday and tomorrow its back to the daily grind of work life once again. And this week, I have to work half a day on Saturday and my boss is coming back from US. Which creeps me out a little....hmmmm

Is it possible to sell people off to the pig farm? If anyone has any idea how to, please let me know! I want to sell my so called aunt off.

She came and knocked at my door at the unearthly hour of 6.45am. I mean ccome on, cant she come later? Inconsiderate. And because of her, I had to wake up at 7am on my off day and go buy groceries and juice for her and scrub the toilets and the kitchen. AAAA I am going to scream now.

I think I am gonna go for my eyebrow threading. ITs less torture compared to having to stay here with her around.

Kitchen Experiment!

Mom's out. Guess she needed a break from staying home all the while that she decided to visit my cousin's house. I was left to my own devices for dinner...Have been craving for vegetables and fruits lately. Even during lunchtime at work, I seem to be munching on fruits more than non-veg food. Yikes! Am I morphing into a vegetarian?? Come to think of it, that won't be such a bad idea after all.

Anyways back to my dinner puzzle. I rummaged the fridge and came up with a head of brocolli and a tube of silken tofu. Inspiration struck!

BROCCOLI TOFU STIR FRY

Brocolli - cut into segments
2 cloves garlic chopped
1/2 onion sliced
1 sliced red chilli
lemongrass ( just cut off most of the tip, leaving a 5cm piece. smash it and slice)
1 tsp sesame oil
a pinch of salt
light soy
vegetarian mushroom sauce
1 tsp cooking oilsilken tofu - cubed/sectioned
2 teaspoons conrflour mixed with 2 teaspoons water
pepper to taste

Add some cooking oil into a heated wok, when the oil gets hot, add in the garlic, lemongrass, chilli and onion. Stir fry till fragrant.
Add broccolli with a dash of water and stir fry till brocolli is almost done. add the salt, light soy and mushroom sauce. Take care not to over-salt the dish.
Stir till the sauce is well mixed with the brocolli. A dash of pepper can be added if needed.
Add the tofu and stir gently, coating the tofu with the sauce.
Pour the cornflour in and simmer for a few seconds.
Put in the sesame oil and stir once through and turn off.
Serve hot over white rice.

This dish is pretty versatile. You can add in any vegetables or meat/fish you fancy. I like the lemongrass for the smell and the flavour it adds to the dish. Similarly, thin strips of ginger can also be added. If rice is too boring, toss in some noodles at the end and you get a yummy noodle dish. The possibilities are endless. It takes just 15 minutes to prepare and cook this whole dish. Simple and yet very yummy and healthy too! Enjoy.

I guess its time I wrote about one of my love affairs..i.e. with music. I think I was 14 when my mother sent me to vocal/veena classes at Kala Mandhir (now known as TFA). It was a major struggle to get her to send me there as my parents had this belief that I will neglect my studies if I got involved in these kind of activities.

Well anyways, somehow I was enrolled in TFA and in many ways, TFA became a huge part of my life. Apart from regular classes, I slowly got involved in the orchestra and in the Youth group. I can say that my major formative years were spent at TFA. I remember days when we used to have orchestra practices and I used to leave home early in the morning and go back past midnight, and the next day back to TFA for another round of rigorous practices.

TFA thought me many things. Apart from veena and vocal, I gained a lot of know-hows about religion and prayers which I would have not known otherwise. There were many things I did at TFA, from putting rangoli for programs to serving food, to wiping the glass walls at Kanagasabai, to tieing flowers for prayers and many many more. Those days TFA was more like my family. I spent all my free time there and used to eat there do my homework there. Every moment in TFA was filled with music, laughter and happiness.

It might have been out of my crazed love and thirst for music that I did all those things. I was like a sponge those days, practically soaking up everything I could.

Performances, be it whether I was a participant or one in the audience, never failed to leave me spellbound. TFA performances had this special magic for being able to leave people spellbound and entranced. It captivated and enriched my soul and left me yearning for more.

I cannot possibly dictate every magical experience i have had with TFA, but I know that those moments are always highly cherished. These days, life has taken its toll and I havent been attending classes for 2 years now. Somedays, when I pass by City Hall area, I feel a pang of longing deep inside me. I miss TFA. God willing, I am planning to get started on my classes next January when I settle my other issues.

I might not have become a great singer or a great veena player, although I yearn to be able to sing and play the veena well, but it makes me happy to sing/play the veena. My journey with music will continue...soon.

I dont know what is it with me these days. Each time I see a Lexus, I orgasm. No, I dont get off on cheap thrills. Its just that the car looks so powerful and sleek and strong. Gosh! my mind has run amok now....cant work.

I just had to post this! Suddenly it struck me that today is the 2 month anniversary since I started working here. GOSh...time has flown by so quickly (although some days drag to no end)

It feels like I have been here for very long. I have got the hang of things more or less and things dont seem to be difficult anymore.
Happy 2 month work anniversary to me!

This is a public safety message! Dear people who take public transport to work, please make sure you shower and use loads of nice smelling deodorant and body spray. It would make the morning journey very pleasant for everyone.

When the train doors opened this morning, I was hit by a gust of 'body smells' from inside the train, thankfully, I held myself together and didnt collapse like a pack of cards!

IS it so hard to use some soap and wash yourself before coming to work? It would be better if you could also use some mouthwash- or maybe for some cases undiluted dettol to make sure your dragon breath doesnt kill people(after brushing your teeth of course). Why are people so lax about their personal hygiene? Its no use dressing up to the nines when you smell distinctly like a garbage truck. And what more, you gallantly lift your arms and hold on to the grab-rails. Argh please! Spare me the early morning nausea.

*edit* I met this indian guy on the train on my way home. He was so gorgeously tall and hunky. Had a cute moustache to boot and was adorable. Was very well dressed and looked very smart, nice floppy hair. Sadly, my dreams were thrown down the drain when he came near the exit door. He smelled like a rotten egg. I pity myself sometimes...sighz

There is this 'contest' on the local Tamil channel called Vasantham Star. Its supposedly a American Idol like copycat.
Each time I watch the program, my blood boils. The judges love to criticise the singers. I mean, come on, no matter how bad they are singing, let them know how to improve and encourage them. It takes a lot of guts just to get up on stage in front of a whole lot of people to sing. I think that effort in itself deserves applause.

I remember the female judge when she used to sing a long long time ago...about 15 years ago, she used to stand on stage like a petrified tortoise, hardly moved at all. Just stood there and held the mike tightly in front of her face and sang, no emotions. Even her dressing was horrible. But now, here she is judging on the way people sing without a thought to their feelings and pride.

I always believe that we should encourage people. If you dont have anything nice to say, then dont say anything. Sometimes words can make or break a person.

I saw this picture on yahoo.com and I was hit by an overwhelming sense of sadness.
No amount of words can even begin to portray the amount of suffering they went through and are going through everyday. Their lives have to begin from scratch, for some, it would begin without their loved ones by their side.
I closed my eyes said a quiet prayer for all of them and a tear escaped and rolled down my cheek...
Below the picture on yahoo.com, there was a link for Red Cross' Hurricane Relief Fund. I just clicked it and I donated a small amount towards the fund.

The Essence of Bhagavad Gita

What happened, it happened for good.

What is happening, is also happening for good.

What is going to happen, will also happen for good.

What have you lost that is yours?

What did you bring, that you lost?

What have you created, that it should go waste?

What you took,was taken from here.

What you gave,was given (from) here.

That which is yours today, will be some one else's tomorrow.

Some other day, it belongs to some other person.

I have this sudden crazy urge to read Enid Blyton books. This might be my desperate attempt to re-live my carefree younger days or to regress into childhood. Whatever it is, the simplicity in her writing and all the vivid descriptions still have a magnetic pull on many. I miss those days, and I dont have the legit excuse to read an Enid Blyton book. My mom will think I have lost it. Sigh...we lose so many things when we grow up, and this is one of those things.

On another note, the weekend is here!!! I am not working this saturday, so it will be two full days at home/outside. Gosh, I am like some parched person in the desert who has seen water. I desperately need some rest and sleep. Plus I have laundry and cleaning to do, which i dont really mind doing. Anyways, I hope the skies do not open up and pour tomorrow. My accumulated laundry for the week needs to be washed and hung to dry. So please sky, dont rain on me.

Lunch is over, I am going to do some work now. Ciao~

Its Friday NIGHT and I am sitting home like a duck! GOSH I badly need to get a life. Or at least get shagged...Its bloody boring.

Everyone says I am fat, even my parents. IS that why I cant get a boyfriend? 40 years down the road, even a skinny model is going to grow old. Why cant people look beyond the outer image? What is it with this society that only rake-thin people are deemed beauties? I think I am beautiful. I have a nice smile...and great eyes and nice fingers and smart brains...Why cant I fucking get a boyfriend??? why do i end up with all the junky guys who turn out to be major pieces of shit? I just want someone who takes the time to listen to me...to care about me and who believes in me. Is that too much to ask....
My mom is pressuring me to get married. maybe thats what started this off.

Different topic...
Made myself a quick dinner of chappati and yesterday's leftover minced mutton,green pea and potato keema(curry). Its light and yummy. The pic is a bit fuzzy because I took it with my webcam. Its an OLd dinosaur-model cam. Sorry about that...

Scary incident at work today!!! One old man, shabbily dressed in a torn singlet and baggy pants came into my office and banged on the door so hard. I thought he was feeling sick or something and jumped to open the door! Luckily I thought twice and tried waving him off.

He refused to move and started shouting that he wants money for a leg operation and tried to turn the door knob. By this time my heart was right at my throat, as I was alone in the office and he was creeping me out.

I said no in mandarin and waved him away but he still persisted and tried showing me his IC and some documents supposedly from the hospital. He looked a bit 'off', like he was drunk. I quickly moved towards my table and on the way I spotted the BIG dinosaur metal paper puncher and decided that would be my weapon should he break in or something.

I took the phone receiver up meaning to call my sis to ask her what to do, and I think the old man assumed I was trying to call the police. He said NO Police and dashed off.

What an experience. I should make sure I remember to keep the door locked at all times. Sighz...terrible encounter!

I absolutely loathe working on saturdays. I end up being a big grump on Monday cos the weekend flies by so fast, I hardly have time to sit and breathe. ARGH!!!

Getting busier at work. I should start growing more hands a.k.a octopus so I can accomplish more at one go. Sometimes, the phone rings and I am rushing on something and I just forget that I have to answer the phone call! sighz...

Watched Shark Tale yesterday. Very funny movie and the fish Oscar looked exactly like Will Smith!!!

Long lapse since my last post on blogger. Somehow I find its easier to blog occasionally, because when I force myself to blog everyday, I end up shutting down my blog!

Anyways, I am planning to invest in a good digicam soon and that would be easier for me to start posting pictures in my blog as well.

Had chicken porridge for dinner last night as I was not in the mood to eat any spicy/heavy stuff. Simple recipe but it tasted really great!

Chicken Porridge
1/2 cup rice
chicken fillet, sliced thinly
2 cm piece of ginger, smashed and sliced into thin strips
carrots, cubed small (1/2 a carrot)
spring onions, chopped
red chillies, sliced thin(seeds removed) (optional)
pepper
fried onions (optional)
light soy sauce
2-2.5 cups chicken stock or dissolve 1/2 chicken stock cube in 2-2.5cups of boiling water

Put the chicken stock to boil along with the ginger and pepper, when it reaches boiling point, add in chicken and cook. remove chicken once its thoroughly cooked and keep aside.
In the boiling stock, add the washed rice and boil away till rice is cooked through. Add carrots and continue boiling till rice starts breaking up into desired porridge consistency. Once the rice has gained the desired consistency, add in the cooked chiken and stir through. taste and add salt/soy sauce as desired.
serve garnished with spring onions, red chillies, fried onions and a few drops of sesame oil. Get ready to enter Kai Chok heaven!

Asian Comfort food at its best!!! Yummy in my tummy! Its a pity there isnt a picture to show how pretty the dish was.

Swamiji passed away on the 27th July. I have mixed feelings about this. Whatever his shortcomings may be, it was undeniable that he had this gift to create magic with the dance and music programs he inspired. All the programs left me yearning for more, wishing it would never end. Whether I was a participant or one in the audience, I have experience much and it is thanks to Swamiji. I have no more words to say....I shall end here...

Insanity makes the world go round nowadays. They say all sorts of things, but when they require your help, they have no qualms about shamelessly asking.

I am basically not a mean person. If anyone approaches me for any kind of help, I jump to offer assistance to the best of my abilities and means. What I cannot tolerate is when people mock at me and do not bother to help in any way. Even if they are not willing to render some form of aid, at least the words 'I will try' would be some form of balm for a hurt soul. But certain selfish people thought so low of me to the extent that they were sniggering with contempt when I needed a job. Yet now, they approach me shamelessly asking for opportunities. What makes them think I would? Is it so easy to forget what they said then? It was like plunging a sharp sword through a raw open wound.

Revenge is sweet. But my conscience nudges me. It is said that no matter what bad things people do to you, do them good and put them to shame. Its funny, when they do not even realise that they had done harm in the past, how are they gonna feel ashamed realising their folly?

Maybe this is the crossroad where I decide what kind of a person I am. I can choose to give opportunites and not get credit, or ignore and have my revenge tinged with a little bit of tartness. I shall take my decision with a pinch of salt. Ultimately its not worth my time and efforts helping ungrateful people.

Why are people so selfish? Would it kill them to take a little of their time to listen to someone or to go see someone? Sometimes, all someone needs is a few loving words and some care and concern from a fellow human being. It might just take two minutes, but it would really make that person's day.

Its tiring. When you just care about someone and that person couldnt care less. It hurts inside. Or maybe its my fault for calling at the wrong time. But yet, why does it hurt so. I have no idea...

I feel rotten inside today. Cant do much work. I guess I really am pathetic and stupid.

I am scared and jittery...with no one to talk to for confidence and so good ol' blogger comes to the rescue.

Maybe I am just afraid to be disappointed to the extent I do not feel the excitement. I pray tomorrow will be successful. Actually I am in a sort of a daze...Aarrrggghhhh... I am just going to put my best foot forward and impress the hell out of them. Wish me luck bloggie!

I went out to top-up my ezlink card earlier. As I was sitting in the bus, an Indian expat and his son(around5-6 years old) boarded. The little boy had a grumpy look on his face and they sat on the seat adjacent to mine so I could hear every word of their conversation clearly. The father was advising his son to be 'friends' with everyone to which the boy replied that the particular child refused to play with him and he didn't want to be friends.

This charming line of conversation went on for quite a while. What caught my attention and also gave me a sense of longing deep down was the casual tone the father had set for the child. He said that even if someone didnt want to befriend him(the child) he should be friends with everyone and if someone doesnt talk to him, he can always go to someone else and play. This I think plays an important role in how a child perceives the world and the person the child grows up to become. Sadly, I never received this form of support from my parents. They have done a lot for me, but in terms of emotional wellbeing and self-esteem, I didnt get much from them.

The father ended the conversation asking the boy if he considered him as a friend(father and son), to which the boy immediately gave a bright smile and gave his father high fives. I definitely know something now. When I have a child, I will try my best to give him or her a high sense of self-esteem. Sometimes, a few words can really go a long way...

There has been a long lapse since my last post. It is not as if there has been nothing to write about, but its just that I have not had the mood to do any blogging.

Anyways. I am wretchedly sick at the moment. My sinuses are totally blocked up and I have a throbbing migraine. Hopefully my diarrhea doesn't start up again. Its terrible I tell ya! It makes me really miserable and I start moping around the house. BAH!

Ever wondered why everything keeps going wrong all the time? Somedays, it takes so much energy just to get up and get out of it. I keep falling flat on my face and yet, I get up, dust off and continue on my journey. Things cannot keep going downhill all the time right. I wait with patience and hope.... that tomorrow will bring better things...

This entry should have been a few days earlier....but I didnt have the mood to blog till now. Alas, better late then never.

So this entry should have been on 15th June 2005...

Met Maygs my cutie pie after a long long long time (read, 5-6years). She looks the same and actually it didnt feel odd at all to meet her. I admit I was a little apprehensive at first. She is so cute and she still looks like the little girl I got to know many years ago. I think maygs was about 6 or 7 and we were in the same Veena class.

Anyways, Maygs graciously agreed to meet me at Plaza Singapura because the squid-brained ME didnt know how to get to Parkway Parade. We adjourned to Swensons and it was so funny because when we were seated, we realised that the place was empty except for us. We ordered food and yakked away...Maygs really gets into all sorts of situations. And the poor girl has a scar near her eye from her accident. I dont think I should disclose certain 'details' about Maygs 'situation' at the moment. *Ahem* Maygs dont hit me ah.....I think you would know what I am talking about :P

Sadly, I had to rush off for a seminar after that so we only managed about 2 hours. But I can say that Maygs is a sweet sensitive soul who has a tough exterior which she uses to protect herself from being hurt. Hei Maygs, if you are reading this, I just want to thank you for taking your time to meet up and stay sweet.

Thats a wrap for now....

Funny...

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly,a tiny yet
beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary
married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will
grant you each a wish."

"Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my
darling husband" said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and -
abracadabra! - two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well
this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a
lifetime, so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger
than me".

The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed; but a wish
is a wish.

So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -
abracadabra! -the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this
story.....Men might be ungrateful idiots....But fairies are......female

.

What is love? I dont think there in an appropriate enough definition for it. Love is when you care enough about someone that when they hurt, you hurt too and you want to make it right for them. Love is when even the smallest words or actions bring much joy and laughter to one. Love is when you miss someone so much you feel as if your heart has been ripped away and nothing will ever make it come back. Love means you make others happy even if it means making yourself sad. There are lots of kinds of love. parent-child, lovers, friends, pets.....too many to count
Is this why love hurts so much? Even though you dont expect anything in return, it still hurts. I have yet to find love...It still seems to be a very elusive thing.

Had a somewhat normal week. The realization just hit me that I have not gone out anywhere for the past month. That's pretty weird for a person like me. I usually like having some 'me' time and I make sure I go out for a movie or to the library and hang out a bit and then come home. But so far I have not had the urge to do so. Wonder what's come over me....

Anyways, I saw the vcd of Stuck on You yesterday which left me laughing so hard my tummy ached. Its a hilarious movie about a pair of conjoined twins who share a liver and live their lives stuck together. Being a twin, it was especially funny to me :) not that I am stuck to my sister in any way. In the movie, they decide to separate and what happens after that is what the whole movie is about. Very well taken movie by the Farrelly Brothers! Bravos to them.

Argh, I just scraped my little toe on the door and its smarting like hell. I have to go put a plaster on it now....toodles~

ARGH PMS SUCKS!

I have never had PMS this bad before. This time around, I have been having cramps since thursday and I just got my red flag today. I have been feeling like a big grouch the past week and I feel so bloated that I can hardly breathe! Now I am constipated, and I feel irritated and my back ached like crazy AND I feel nauseous. I just feel like digging a hole and burying myself. WHY does being female come with all these tortures? Its as if being the species that has to endure all the cooking and cleaning isnt enough! What happened to equal rights. The GODs are downright unfair. I protest. Males should at least have stomach cramps once a month; it shouldnt be just us females who have to bleed to death each month. HUMPH! That said, I am going to drown myself in painkillers and hit my bed with a book. literally! BYE

Guests from ENGLAND! Why is it that I have to start cleaning as though they are royalty. Its not as if the QUEEN is coming right? I cleaned from morning. I dusted and wiped till my fingertips wore off. I polished every ounce of the silly coffee table which seemingly attracts lots of fingerprints and dust the moment I turn around. Must be a conspiracy going on between my mother and the coffee table to get me to clean some more! HA! I am annoyed. I wanted to run off and go watch a movie but I was ordered to stay put at home. Now I am stuck in my room while they are all having a chat in the living room.

Thank God for the pc or I would have dug a hole and buried myself or squeezed myself through the window!

I warned you that I was back with a vengeance. HA! See I am here again. Ok yesterday I made stir-fried yellow noodles for the family. (Yeah, I had an ambulance on stand-by, but thankfully we didnt have to use it :P) I didnt follow any recipe though so measurements will be by taste. Here's the recipe. Picture will be up soon!

Rathi's Noodles
Yellow Noodles- 250gm
Prawns- 10 cleaned and de-veined, keep prawn heads aside for stock
Fishballs- 5 cut into halves
Chye Sim- as much as u want! approx 8-10 stalks washed and chopped into 4cm lengths
Ginger- 2.5cm thinly sliced
Garlic-4 cloves, chopped
Red Chillies- 2 sliced
Soy sauce, salt, pepper according to taste
a few leaves of coriander and spring onion chopped
oil
water


Heat some oil in a wok, add 1/3 of the chopped ginger and garlic and fry till fragrant. Throw in the prawn heads and fry till cooked. Add 2 cups of water and allow to boil. add a pinch of salt and add in the coriander and spring onion, let boil for 1 min and pour the stock into another bowl and keep aside.
Using the same wok, add 2 tablespoons of oil. Once the oil is heated, add the ginger garlic and 1/2 the chopped chillies and fry. Add in the prawns and fishballsand stir fry for 3 minutes or till all the prawns turn pink. Add noodles, followed by salt, soy sauce and pepper. Stir fry for 3 mins, add the chye sim and continue stir frying for 3 minutes till the vegetables and noodles are cooked. Taste and add more salt/pepper if necessary. Pour the stock in, toss the noodles around and you are done. Serve with a bit of cut red chillies on the side. Noodles should be served immediately or it will get too soggy, so cook it about 20 minuted before you want to eat.

Ah....My Bloggie, I forgot about you!!! Back with a vengeance this time around. The weekend was great. Spent the whole of saturday spring cleaning and re-arranging furniture in my room. Looks quite nice now, if I should say so myself. A few oddments have yet to find their proper place and at the moment, they're like floaters in search of the perfect space hehehehe. But indeed, after rearranging the place, there seems to be more space! YAY....all the more for me to roll in :P

Sunday was dullsville up till the evening when my cousins came. We spent the time talking rot untill they had to go home. After they left, I watched Blade I and Blade II on vcd back-to-back. Lots of blood and gore but I liked it. Cant wait to get hold of Blade Trinity. Interesting concept of vampires and humans co-existing. Ok thats about it from dullsville for now. Stay tuned for more updates. Cheerio!

Disaster day! Had a mini accident with the soy sauce in the kitchen. Soysauce + Rathi's clumsy fingers = major clean-up! I took the bottle and it slipped and it was nothing short of an explosion! There was soy sauce on the floor, kitchen counter, fridge, microwave, wall, towels and a few more surfaces plus the ceiling even. I spent the whole afternoon wiping the whole kitchen. Argh~ horrid.

Other than that, I am a bit upset that my mom is feeling so down. I hope she cheers up soon as that will speed her recovery. She has a bit of the 'dumping syndrome due to surgery and its causing her a lot of uneasiness and 'weakness'. Sometime's I am just so lost as to what to do to help. I pray she recovers soon.

Its 9 past at night...The weather has been that annoyingly sticky kind of weather the whole day and I even woke up from my nap with my tee-shirt stuck to my back! Something is up with the whole world in general these days; tsunamis, earthquakes, fires. terrorist attacks etc. Maybe its time people start to sit and listen. I guess all these things are just God's way of telling us that we are not all high and mighty and that we should not have the notion that we are invincible and above the rest and that life is unpredictable.

I spent the day lazing around and playing with half-formed ideas in my mind regarding my future. Lets see where things go. I read someplace ( I think it was an article in Reader's Digest) that to attain a goal, don't look at the end result that you want to achieve but to concentrate and keep doing the things that will get you to that goal. Because at times we get blinded by the excitement of the goal that we neglect the steps we need to take. to get to it.

At the moment I am concentrating on searching for jobs and applying for suitable vacancies. Have to also start working on a list of things I enjoy doing. Thats about it for now. Adios~

The day after my birthday...it has been pouring cats and dogs since morning. Really good weather to curl up in bed with a good book and some hot cocoa. Birthday was ok, had a surprise cake from my cousin - Chocolate Gateau from Bengawan Solo. Yummy!

I am trying to change the look of my blog but I cant seem to find a skin that I like. Gosh! Decisions are so tough to make eh.

I was a bit down regarding a few things as I was worried about what others would say. But then, only I would know how it was and in actual fact, it is not as big a loss as it seemed to be in the first place. I am relieved in fact to be free of something that was draining my energy and time with no sense of appreciation.

Thats about it for now. I am going to look into more blog skins and then curl up with my book. Ciao~

Bah! I decided to start writing my blog again. At least it gives me an outlet to vent my frustrations and lets me say what I want without fear of repercussions. Sometimes, I find myself stuck in a corner and I have no one to talk to or there are some things I cant share with anyone.

So this will be the avenue by which I rant about my going ons and hopefully start writing better as well(and quit writing in SMS mode).The operative word here for me is 'therapy' I need to identify my goals and my position in life. I am still clueless about it though. Hopefully, writing everything out in black and white might help.