I have reached a point in my life where I look behind and find myself standing alone. My blog has turned into a pseudo-diary for me to confide my feelings of despair, because there is no one else for me to talk to at this point of time.
I am a total wreck inside. My emotions have been building up for some time now and its just a matter of time before all of it explodes.
The reason I realized I was so fragile is because I was nearly hit by a truck yesterday while I was crossing the road at Holland Road. If the passerby had not seen me and pulled me away to stop me from crossing, I would have had to be scraped off the road last night.
Desperately need an avenue to vent my frustrations and sorrows. The previous times I felt like this, I got into useless relationships and dug myself further into a pit. I am sad that my life is this way. I must be a terrible and useless person to end up standing like a vagabond in the middle of the streets without anyone to lean onto.
For now, I just exist.
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8 comments:
this is a sad post, yet it sounds like something i've written before and something i probably will write again. not because i've almost been hit by a truck, but because i've felt like there is nobody to talk to. i guess i don't have anything really motivational or encouraging to say. but i do suggest prayer. :)
Oh.. rathi..!! are you alright..??? Now you got me worrying about you .. my dear..!! I wished i was nearer to help you .. and chat with you .. :)
In everyone's life.. we all go thru' a period of sadness.. and aimlessly wondering what is next. But trust me.. things will get better ok..!! i wish i could do more.. !! you can always write to me.. and chat with me.. my dear.. :)
Take care ok.. *hugs*
I guess what you are experiencing now comes to everyone's life at one point especially so if you have no one to talk to. I can't really know how deep your feeling of despair is but it might help for you to go to places where people need HELP... like orphanages, home for the aged... it is not only because you'll find that you are better of than most people but because you get to focus on others... and when you do, sometimes you get transformed...
I am too far from you to call as what Mama Bok asks her readers BUT i wish you well...
Don't worry to much of life being fragile... just live it and try to be happy... when you really desire something it will come true you just have to hang on and believe!
I was "passing" by and saw your little blog. We might not know each other but I can feel your pain...If you wanna share...you can talk to me
Your incident reminded me about one part of my life when I experienced fear of death and deep sadness. A great friend of mine was walking home with her husband and their 5 or 6 years old daughter when a double-decker bus hit her directly near Tao Payoh. Her daughter and her husband was in shock. We were supposed to meet her tomorrow morning. Her relative found us and told us the bad news. I went to the hospital and when I saw her on the bed with bandages all over her, my heart felt so heavy that I could not breath. But thank God, she woke up finally. I was so happy that I grasped her hand. I thanked her for being alive cause she was still needed in our "world" as a mother, a wife, my great friend and many more.
Even how hard life is sometimes, we can find enjoyment in the little things we can do and these little things may bring joy to others. Now you might feel you are not needed but your existence is what the "world" does need. "World" is a place where all beings that have been given life have also been given time to appreciate their existence.
You're not a terrible and useless person. Everyone of us have gone through some degree of darkness like that. I, for one, used to think that even if one day I fall off from the earth, nobody would have noticed. It's just part of our life journey.
Don't harp on the negative aspects of yourself because when you do, you tend to sink further. Snap away from it, and focus on something else, even if it's just a temporary reprieve.
Rely on your inner strength...
ehhh machi.. enna aaachu.. relax pannu lahhh.. =D
Hiya *Rathi,
Chanced across Ur place here ~ and thought i'd just drop in with a Hi & a hug.
Hope U are doing better now. :)
I guess it's true, we all feel pretty downish at times - but we all have our Special quirks (U know, like things that make you you) too.
Sometimes, dwelling in an experience that only reminds one of our pain & suffering, doesn't help much..
Maybe, U could try turning your attention to other interests that U might have: Are you into reading, or listening to any particular genre of music, eg?
As for me, i've found that beloved melodies or reads, or even chatting awhile with good friends can make all the difference in the world.
Thereagain, jotting down your thoughts like in your blog here's a great way to clarify one's confusing moments, no?
Do take care & Wishes, Minerva*
p.s. btw, U've got a lovely name, just like Ur blog's.. ;) Take care.
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